Smoking Hot Photos of Elsa Patton Before Real Housewives of Miami

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Elsa Patton, the true star of the Real Housewives of Miami, seems to have taken a break from cackling over a bubbling cauldron filled with vodka to prevent the steam from melting off her face start her very own Twitter page and to fork over some personal, pre-op photos of herself to BravoTV.com.

All of this is so much sensory overload, we're not quite sure which tidbit of HARD HITTING NEWS we should tackle first. But since we're horrible, shallow creatures let's go with the visuals and talk about that face.

You know, we were wrong the other day when we said Elsa was

the love child of Jabba the Hutt and Princess Leia. She

is obviously the decedent of very good looking human beings (we know, WE

KNOW, we asked E.T. and Marvin the Martian and they both said they're

not related to her.  But Alf swears he's seen her eating cat on Melmac). Check out the below photos — the woman was


You know what's not beautiful? Boogers, a cup full of

spit-out dip, or getting so much plastic surgery that you're

unrecognizable as a homo sapien.

Next, let's move on to her Twitter account. Does she have a ghost

Twitter writer because we're surprised by all the English being utilized

and the utter lack of typos. That's not the Elsa we've gotten to know

and love! Sure, there's a few Tweets about airplanes and paper flowers,

but nothing about muumuus, alcohol, or a tutorial on how to fly a

broomstick through the starry, night sky. So far, it's a snoozefest,

but we dug up a  few choice tweets:

@Loki_Mom No my driver has curly hair, he uses alberto V05less than a minute ago via Mobile Web

@love4myboston @BravoAndy I FEEL SO AMERICAN AND I ADORE NICKELS .less than a minute ago via web

@kingzmr @MarysolPatton ,yes i have another sn his name is TomJones and my favorite wine is whatever is on sale.. dont forget i'm a refugieless than a minute ago via web

But I have two beautiful mens with me. My bodyguards and butlers.less than a minute ago via Mobile Web

Please help, almost to DC and left my eyebrows at home. Can someone call Michelle Obama and ask where she buy hers? @bravoandyless than a minute ago via Mobile Web

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