Kim Kardashian's Worst Week Ever: Breaking Down the Divorce, the Bangs, and the Blood Facial

Things have been tough for Kim Kardashian lately. (Well, as tough as we imagine things can get for a gazillionaire musician's gazillionaire girlfriend with lucrative TV deals, paid public appearances, and a range of products that fans are apparently buying.)

Sure, she's "glowing" with pregnancy. Sure, she keeps telling us how truly, madly, deeply, so very, very much in love she is with Kanye. Hell, even entertainment blogs seem to be taking it a little easier on her now that she's growing a tiny Kimyetus inside her.

Or they were, anyway, until this week, when event after event -- some simply missteps by Kardashian and some outright attacks on her livelihood -- has sent her public image, questionable as it already was, into a full-on downward spiral.

See also:

- Kourtney and Kim Take Miami : A Feminist Guide to Talking About the Kardashians

- Kourtney and Kim Take Miami Was the Most Sexist Thing on TV Last Night

Sunday night: The "Vampire Facial"

Oh my God, you guys, what happened to Kim Kardashian? Are those horrible facial burns? Is this a self-tanning incident gone horribly wrong? Is she auditioning for Tarantino's next film?

No to all of the above (though we would love to see Tarantino get his hands on Kiki). It's a "vampire facial," which is a terrifying and painful-sounding procedure that involves having blood drawn from your own body, separated, and reintroduced back into your body by being slathered across hundreds of tiny, bloody pinpricks all over on your damn face. Kardashian underwent the procedure on Sunday's episode of Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, which was probably great for ratings. But it also gave the whole world a glimpse at Kim looking like a real-life horror-movie extra. Strike one.

Wednesday: The Bangs

Kim Kardashian has bangs. This was a very big deal for Kim; we know this because she tweeted four times on Wednesday about cutting them:

It's like being right there with her at this exciting, important crossroads. You never forget your first blunt bangs.

Shockingly, however, most of the Internet responded to this ploy for attention with one giant yawn. Strike two.

Wednesday to the present: The Fake Proposal (and the fallout)

But here's the biggest blow to the Kardashian empire: A Keeping Up With the Kardashians producer testified under oath that much of the show is staged. If you have ever seen a reality-TV program featuring a Kardashian family member, you already know this to be true. But the fakeness of the show that chronicled Kim's engagement to her estranged husband Kris Humphries could convince a judge that Kardashian really is guilty of fraud, as Humphries claims, which would end her claims to a civil divorce.

Divorce, shmivorce -- it's all drama fodder for the cameras. But now that the show has been fully outed as phony, will people still want to watch? Will the fans stick around for Kim and her family's reenactments of what they claim to be real-life situations? Is this the beginning of the end of the Kardashian's reign of terror?

Probably not, because people will watch literally anything on TV these days. Still, the divorce deposition begins in two weeks, so keep that hope alive.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.