Deciding on creepy things that are truly characteristic of the Dade
County Youth Fair takes a bit of intuition and a lot of familiarity.
Four-fingered carnies, clowns, and creaky rides are such cheap shots
these days that they've lost all their credibility. Besides, who is
honestly surprised to find that a carney's job has high risk potential?
What we're looking for here are those things that are so ingrained in
the Youth Fair that the only way they'd really creep us out would be if
we were to go one year and not find them. So, enough with the strange
goo on your cotton candy or bizarre animals you saw in the exotic
creatures tent. Here are what we found to be the top five creepiest
things you're sure to come across at the Youth Fair.
1. The carnie trying to stare up your skirt while you're on the ride.
Women might have a tough time spotting this guy. Hey, you're numb by the fact that five
guys are already staring at you for every one step you take. Plus, while this guys is ogling your gams, you're
hanging six plus feet off the ground while your upper body is encased in a
harness that barely lets you turn your head. Your boyfriend or husband,
on the other hand, is not used to all the stares you get, and has been
on to the guy since halfway through the line. Then, as the ride tilts to
an angle at which he can catch the guy in the act, he must try and
bottle his anger so as not to make you feel uncomfortable; compile that
with the 20 bucks that will likely fly out his pocket while upside-down
and end up tight in that same carnie's fist, and you can understand why
he's so frustrated when you get mad at him for not noticing your
haircut.
2. The 13-year-old girl trying to look 25 by wearing more make-up and
less clothing.
This one's pretty self-explanatory, but it's worth pointing out that
almost without fail, the younger she is and the older she tries to look,
the thicker his beard is and the baggier his jeans get.
3. The guy at the "shoot the man with a paintball gun" booth getting WAY too excited about the game.
Next time you're around there, just camp out for a minute and watch some
of these guys have a go at it. Sometimes, the smile gets so big they
don't even look like they're having fun anymore. The best part is when
they are out of ammo, snap back into reality, and realize there are
still people around.
4. The grown man bullying little kids in the bumper cars.
You've all seen him or had to deal with him as a kid. Sometimes, he gets
so into it, the kid will loose a whole ride stuck in a corner, and even
get off crying and running to his or her mother. Hell, who are we
kidding? That's just fun.
5. Yours truly.
Let's face it: it doesn't get much creepier than some scummy paparazzi
running around the Youth Fair, taking notes on people while they're
trying to enjoy themselves. If there were a prize to be won here, we'd
be taking home the gold. So let us not judge lest we be judged
ourselves, and more often than we'd all like to admit, that's probably
the best advice we could get.
