By now most of you all have seen Jim Carrey's love letter to
Emma Stone. Creepy, right? At first we were hopeful that he was just introducing
a new character, the earnest old guy talking about a girl not quite half his
age. Perhaps everybody needs to lay off Jim. Awkward celebrity crushes are a
hallmark of the tabloids. Sometimes they serve to endear the celebrity
crush-haver to a public who can sympathize with the pains of unrequited love.
Knowing
that Moammar Gadhafi has the hots for Condoleezza Rice makes him a little more
human. More often than not though, they just perplex and disgust
everyone. We have gone through our love files to bring you the celebrity
crushes that make Jim Carrey look smooth in comparison.
5. Snooki and Drake
The courtship of Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi and Aubrey 'Drake'
Graham has been a tedious, drawn out affair. Last year Snooki admitted to having feelings for the
Canadian rap sensation in a hard-hitting interview with OK! magazine.
Much like
Shakespeare's star crossed lovers passions finally boiled over at the red
carpet of the 2011 Grammys where the two engaged in a flirtatious conversation
in earshot of Drake's mother, who was eerily the same height and wearing a very
similar dress as Snooki. Somewhere MTV producers are salivating at the spinoff potential of putting the three in one house.
4. Osama Bin Laden and Whitney Houston
An hall-of-fame creepy celebrity crush was revealed in 2006
when a former sex slave of the Al-Qaeda mastermind revealed his obsession with
Miss Houston. Bin Laden apparently had plans to meet her in America and
introduce her to her true Islamic self. The fact that Whitney was married at
the time to Bobby Brown was just a minor roadblock to Bin Laden, he even went
as far as to scheme to have Bobby killed (true R&B fans know that wouldn't
be easy. New Edition always has Bobby's back).
Alas, this was one love that
wasn't meant to be, Osama's death earlier this year ensuring the only way that
Bin Laden would see Whitney would be if Hell has matinee screenings of Waiting
to Exhale.
3. Brett Michaels and Kim Kardashian
Kim Kardashian's recent nuptials to Kris Humphrey must have
been a dagger in the heart of the "always looking for love as long as there are
VH1 cameras around" lead singer of Poison. The Bandana'd One gushed after
meeting Kim on his tour bus this March exclaiming that she has 'one of the
prettiest faces ever.'
But as Bret Michaels knows, every rose has its thorn.
Kim continued on with whichever pro-athlete was in a five feet radius of her,
leaving Bret to pick up his broken heart with whatever passes as a Poison
groupie these days.
2. Selena Gomez and Shia LaBeouf
Despite being apart of the Romance of the Century with
Justin Beiber even Selena Gomez found herself enamored with another man -- the
Transformers star and wispy facial hair aficionado Shia LaBeouf.
This YouTube video of the two finally meeting is heartwarmingly charming until you
remember that Shia is an asshole who racks up DUIs, drunkenly gets in public
fist fights, and bragged about sleeping with Megan Fox when she was still seeing
Brian Austin Green. Way to know how to pick them, Selena! Stick with Beiber,
the worse trouble he'll get you in is breaking curfew.
1. Charlie Sheen and Sarah Hyland
When Charlie Sheen joined Twitter this year as a part of his
drug-fueled mental collapse, people were roundly disgusted when he chose then 19-year-old Modern Family star Sarah Hyland as a handful of people to
follow along side the usual suspects of porn stars.
Sarah did the rational
thing to do when finding out a 45-year-old drug addict with a history of
abusing women may be interested in you and quickly rebuked his come-ons. Rest easy Emma Stone. Jim Carrey's
relatively chaste speech about marrying you if he was younger seems like
Nicholas Sparks could have written it when compared to the charms of Charlie
Sheen.
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