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Unearthed Cookbook Proves Rush Limbaugh Was Tortured as a Child

Hopeless jackass and Palm Beach county resident Rush Limbaugh

has a particularly ridiculous sound byte traveling around the internet

lately in which he's basically quoted as saying he doesn't want the

Obama doctrine to succeed. The quote came from an interview Limbaugh

did with Sean Hannity, in which Hannity asks the big guy, directly, if

he wants Obama to be a successful president. Granted, when the clip was

shown on the Daily Show,

Limbaugh's answer was presented out of context, making it look like he

straight up said, "I want Obama to fail." That's not entirely the case,

as you can see above, but that doesn't change the fact that the guy is

retarded. Socialized medicine will be the death of America as we know

it? Apparently Rush hasn't thought this one over enough. I mean, if

medicine is socialized he wouldn't have to work half as hard to cover

up his pill habits. Just tossing it out there. (Yes, I resorted to an

ad hominem attack. Deal with it.)

What does this have to do with

food, you ask? Well, it's recently become clear that Limbaugh's

brain-addled condition may have something to do with his upbringing

(after all, don't neo-cons like him believe being gay is nurture, not

nature? In that case, couldn't acute mental deficiencies be borne of

the same thing?) Short Order recently discovered, by way of the Village Voice, by way of the Kansas City Pitch, that Rush Limbaugh was abused as a child. No really! With food!

Take a look after the jump.
 


This is the sort of torture poor little Rushie had to endure.

Turns

out Rush's esteemed mother (or grandmother, if you believe one

commenter), Mrs. Rush H. Limbaugh Sr., was the equivalent of a Nazi

drill sergeant in the kitchen. Apparently Mrs. Limbaugh was renowned

for her cooking ability - or lack thereof - and was published in a

small-town cookbook. As a child, Little Limbaugh was undoubtedly

subjected to her despicable concoctions such as the following: Under the Sea Salad.

Shit, that explains a lot.

The original posters went so far as to recreate that "salad"

- chock full of such time-honored combinations as Jell-O, olives, and

cream cheese - with the express purpose of finding out what life as an

8-year-old Rush might have been like. And folks, that life sucked. I

would've ran from that woman like a conservative from confessional if I

was in that kid's shoes. I actually feel for the guy now.

If you look in the comments from the gang who tried the experiment, you'll notice our editor, Eric Barton, was among them. He actually says (key word says) heliked

it. Looks like I'm going to have to turn down that invitation to dinner

at your place after all, Eric. Something, er... came up.  


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