The annual Model Beach Volleyball Tournament went down on Miami Beach this past weekend, February 20 through 21. For the seventh year in a row, beautiful people donned bathing suits and battled competing talent agencies. We're not sure who won, and really, we don't know who would care. The real winners were the attendees because we got to look at their stunning, sun-kissed bodies.
If you weren't there to witness the magic in person, here are the ten types of people you missed. Feast your eyes. This is the human form of commodified perfection in 2016.
10. The Sly Type
What is she smiling about? We can't say for sure, but we think it might have something to do with petroleum jelly and the other team.
9. The Party Type
OMG, I LOVE MODELING AND VOLLEYBALL MIAMI BEACH 2016, BABY! WOOOO!
8. The DJ Type
The shirtless DJ trio. A timeless South Beach classic.
7. The MC Type
This isn't actually one of the competing models. This is New Times' People issue cover girl and Snapchat queen YesJulz. But she's basically a model anyway.
6. The Unpredictable Type
This guy was the class clown in elementary school. You can tell because he's so WaCkY!
5. The Cowboy Type
Cowboys may be older, but they can still buck a steer or, um, something like that.
4. The Classy Type
This one is wearing a full white lace gown at the beach, because she is virginal and because she can.
3. The Let-Me-Just-Catch-My-Breath Type
Holy shit. Look at this guy. Hold on. We just need a minute here.
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2. The Girl-Next-Door Type
This girl looks like she's just too sweet to take anywhere but church and your mom's house for dinner.
1. The Party Boy Type
This guy. Don't act like you don't know this guy. You hooked up with him in college, and he's still at it.