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Donald Trump's Five Biggest Food Crimes

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Its been a big week for Donald Trump. First, the presidential hopeful's Naked Trump statue turned up in Wynwood. Then Trump decided to show his medical records to TV host and supplement hawker Dr. Mehmet Oz.

This afternoon, Trump will reveal more of his health history on The Dr. Oz Show. According to a statement issued by the show, Trump will release to Dr. Oz "the results of his physical examination performed last week by Dr. Harold Bornstein, M.D. of Lenox Hill Hospital, who has been Mr. Trump’s personal physician for many years."

The New York Times states Oz will call the 70-year-old candidate "slightly overweight" at 236 pounds. However, the Times states that earlier reports have Trump weighing in at 267 pounds. If Trump tips the scale at 260-plus pounds, he would be considered clinically obese by Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) standards. According to the CDC's website, "People who are overweight or obese are at higher risk for chronic conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, and high cholesterol."

For all of his gold-trimmed places and private jets, Trump eats like Bluto from Animal House. If the man can't seriously control his diet, how can we trust him to hold nuclear codes? Here are the top five crimes Trump has committed against food.

5. Trump Loves McDonald's Fish Delight, Which Isn't Even a Thing
Even though fast food isn't good for you, it's an indulgence that spans the political aisles. Bill Clinton was known to steer his Secret Service staff into the nearest Mickey D's for a snack during a jog, and Barack Obama has a bit of a love affair with cheeseburgers. So there's no beef if Trump likes an occasional stop at the Golden Arches — unless the real-estate magnate is faking it to make himself more relatable. In a February town hall hosted by Anderson Cooper, Trump cited the cleanliness of fast-food restaurants. When Cooper asked what he ordered at McDonald's, Trump said the Fish Delight. The problem, of course, is that a Fish Delight isn't a thing. Maybe he meant a Filet-O-Fish, and some minion who actually does the ordering was too afraid to correct him. Or maybe the Donald has never been inside a McDonald's in his life.
4. No Love for Vegetables
Google "Trump and food," and you'll get many results of what the Republican candidate likes, from See's Candies to a meatloaf sandwich made by Martha Stewart. What you won't find is any mention of vegetables. In fact, the Chicago Tribune pointed out that when you search for "Donald Trump favorite vegetable," you get forwarded to a Twitter account called @Donalds_Hair. If Trump were elected president, he'd probably dig up Michelle Obama's vegetable garden in favor of a putting green. And here we thought that he got that lovely natural orange glow from eating carrots — much like flamingos get their sunset hue from eating shrimp.

3. Trump Steaks' Untimely Demise
Back in 2007, Donald Trump used his typical hyperbolic speech to tout his steaks. In this promo video for the gilt-branded meat, the Donald himself poured on the adjectives, calling his beef "five-star gourmet" and the "best-tasting" steaks you'll ever have. He even sealed the deal by ending with, "Believe me, I understand steaks. It's my favorite food!" With that kind of power pitch, what could go wrong? Well, it seems everything. According to the Washington Post:

"[The] Trump Steaks promotion with Sharper Image died in the summer of 2007, just months after it was launched, while the one with QVC ended “in the same period of time,” says Nehl Horton, a spokesman for Sysco, the giant food-service company that owns Buckhead Beef (Trump Steaks' source of beef). "We have not been selling these kinds of steaks for almost 10 years now,” Horton adds."

When Trump did try to revive the brand at a press conference at the Trump National Golf Club in Jupiter back in March by displaying his meat for members of the press, he was quickly caught in a tall tale when "reporters could plainly see the Bush Brothers Provisions Co. logo printed on the packages." If Trump can lie about his meat, can we trust him to tell the truth about bigger issues like the state of national security, our country's finances, and just what kind of animal nests on his head?

2. Trump Eats KFC With a Knife and Fork
Hey, Donald, can we talk for a minute? You're a billionaire with private planes, multiple mansions, and a gorgeous family. Politics aside, people envy your lifestyle. But, every once in a while, you feel the need to connect with the workers of the world — and fail miserably. Like when you tweeted a picture of yourself chowing down on KFC for dinner. The only problem is that us regular Joes don't enjoy our bucket o' chicken with the Wall Street Journal... in our private jet... and, gasp, with a knife and fork! Where's the humility, Donald?  And, most of all, where's the spork?  

1. He's a Native New Yorker Who Doesn't Know How to Eat Pizza
Pizza might just be the unofficial food of New York City. On any given street corner, you can find a place to grab a good slice. It stands to reason that native New Yorkers learn from an early age how to eat pizza. Donald Trump, a self-proclaimed savvy man, just can't seem to grasp that basic knowledge that every New York City schoolchild knows. In the past, he's been caught eating pizza with a knife and fork (see above) — which brought on an onslaught of jeers and has fessed up to this bizarre pizza-eating behavior in Us Weekly: "I scrape the toppings off my pizza — I never eat the dough". 

But the weirdest of all is Trump's penchant for eating pizza backward, as evidenced in this 1995 commercial for Pizza Hut. In it, a younger Trump and then-wife Ivanna make goo-goo eyes at each other and then, gasp, eat their pizza crust first — which is strange considering his above comment to Us Weekly.  To add to the "ick" factor, when Ivanna reaches for a second helping, he reminds her that she "only gets half." 

The only plausible answer to this lack of New York pizza etiquette is that Trump wasn't actually born in New York City, but in some non-pizza eating part of the world. For this, we demand to see Trump's birth certificate. The pizza-birther debate is on as of now, Trump!

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