Stupid Heating Devices Will Be The Death Of Us

Eco-minded bloggers do no take too kindly to these patio heaters that keep South Beach tourists eating outside in their tank tops comfortably because they will single handily deplete our natural gas reservoirs and cause global warming (as opposed to just the intended warming of patios). Now, a space heater is being blamed as the cause of a house fire.

Heavens to murgatroyd people, it was only like 49 degrees last night. In Greenland they call that speedo weather. In Miami we break out every stupid little heating device to keep us warm, and obviously those will end up killing us one by one for our brain materials until they gain sentience and enslave the entire county.

Order a Slankent, cancel your next Brazilian wax, and man up. It is not that cold out.

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