Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 1/7 Charged with: Grand theft auto, possession of cannabis with intent to deliver, fleeing a police officer, using false ID after arrest, no valid drivers license Just in case that Mr. Bean-esque litany of bumbling criminal charges didn't convince you of his wisdom, this Fulbright scholar got the word tattooed on his Adam's apple. Arrested: 1/13 Charged with: Driving while license suspended (habitual), out of county warrant Upper boob tattoos: Making tramp stamps look classy since 2007. Arrested: 1/7 Charged with: Burglary of an occupied structure, aggravated assault on a police officer, possession of cannabis, resisting officer with violence, criminal mischief, aggravated assault, battery Ever notice that in apocalyptic movies like Waterworld or The Postman or any other Kevin Costner movie not about baseball, the women are still hot movie star types? In a true apocalypse, the women would look like this. Arrested: 1/9 Charged with: Grand theft third degree Look at this mischievous lady. Now don't look away or she'll steal your car keys and pee in your potted plant. Arrested: 1/8 Charged with: Prowling The top part's our dad. The bottom part is an Amish dude. The middle part is Steve Buscemi. The shirt is a picnic blanket. Okay, spin the tiles again and let's see what we get! Arrested: 1/12 Charged with: Burglary of an unoccupied structure, possession of cannabis This guy gets arrested like every week. His whole Mr. T's Third Cousin thing usually fails to convince the committee. But since we're still on apost-Powder hangover
, we're gonna let him in. Arrested: 1/16 Arrested: Burglary of an unoccupied structure Psychedelics are radical and you're floating through the wallpaper and, like, finding your inner schwarma and then one day you wake up and you're 36-going-on-64 and you have seashells in your hair. Arrested: 1/19 Charged with: Resisting officer with violence, guest who refused to leave, disorderly conduct in an establishment, out-of-county warrant Hey there sad buddy, why so sad? Is it because the mean ol wine bar kicked you out and you wanted more wine? Huh? Is that why? Huh? Coochie coochie coo! Seriously, we sometimes feel bad for the people we find on Mugshots Friday, but not when they look like some big babies that want to get hosed down with Similac.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.