Politics

John Kerry Wants Federal High-Speed Rail Funds Rick Scott Rejected

There's a reason cash-strapped states don't turn down federally funded projects on ideological grounds: because some other state -- where the residents have tiny lobsters embroidered on their yacht pants, say, and all claim to be the third Affleck brother -- will snatch that money right up for itself.

Last month, Poltergeist creepy guy look-alike and our governor Rick Scott rejected $2.4 billion in funds that would have paid for a long-planned high-speed rail connecting Tampa and Orlando.

He branded it "Obamarail" -- even though the project was championed by Scott's Republican predecessor in office, Charlie Crist.

Now Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry is leading his state's lawmakers in requesting that money for rail projects between Boston and Washington, D.C.

"We can use this money to revolutionize our transportation infrastructure," Kerry says, "create jobs, ease traffic congestion, and save oil."

But goddammit -- we like all that shit too!

Meanwhile, two Florida state senators, one from each party, have filed a lawsuit claiming Scott is obligated by law to accept the federal funds.

Scott might succeed at one thing heretofore thought impossible: making us miss Charlie Crist.

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Gus Garcia-Roberts