Dolphins Shut Out in Buffalo, Playoff Hopes on Life Support

Last week, we cautioned that the Dolphins needed to start fast, protect against Buffalo's legit pass rush and avoid the dreaded "trap game" at all costs. Well, the Dolphins did none of that and played about as well as a team that should have probably stayed in bed to catch up on the sleep they missed during an early morning false hotel fire alarm.

Yes, the seemingly playoff-bound Miami Dolphins laid a big ole' goose egg the week after consecutive wins against teams like the Steelers and the Patriots. As Miami's done all year, it was unable to generate any desire or interest to play against the shittier teams in the league that actually good teams dismantle, destroy and cast off by the wayside. This is the mark of a mediocre team.

Things got off to a bad start for the Dolphins when the hotel they were staying at had a fire alarm go off at about 3:30am Sunday morning, forcing players to be startled awake and some to actually evacuate the building. It turned out to be a false alarm but there seemed to be no reason for the abrupt warning. Then just before kickoff, the Hyatt Twitter account appeared to claim responsibility for the false alarm as a prank pulled by some Hyatt-employed Bills fans:

Total dick move. Troll so hard, Hyatt Twitter account.

Things only got worse when the game actually started as the Dolphins came out flat and lifeless against a Bills team that had nothing to play for save for playing the role of spoiler to their longtime division rivals. The Bills D-line was ferocious, gobbling up Ryan Tannehill 7 times and even knocking out of the game at one point with a left knee injury. Tannehill would return but the game was all but over by that point anyway. The Dolphins managed to cross midfield only three times, generated only 103 yards of offense and netted only 14 yards rushing on 12 measly carries.

Yes, even though the Bills have one of the worst run defenses in the league, the offensive line couldn't pass protect and the game was very much within reach until midway through the 4th quarter, offensive coordinator Mike Sherman's undead carcass could simply not bring himself to call more than 12 rushing plays for the Dolphins' two-headed monster rushing attack. The play calling was so blatantly bad and uninspired that even Dolphins players like Bryant McKinnie hinting at dissatisfaction. Just absolutely horrid shit.

The Dolphins -- who prior to this game were in control of their own playoff destiny by simply beating a shitty Bills team in Buffalo and following that up with a Jets spanking at home -- now need some help to avoid missing the playoffs for yet another season. In order to get in, the Dolphins now need to win at home against the Jets and then hope that one of a few different scenarios plays out in order to sneak into the final playoff spot. If the Dolphins lose next week, tough tittyballs and see you all next year.

Of course, this could have all been avoided if the Dolphins had played like the better team they're supposed to be and not had their Cap'n Crunched pissed on by Thad Lewis YET AGAIN.

But such is life as a Miami Dolphins fan. Let's hope they don't oversleep and wake up in time to answer the bell against the Jets next week.

(affixes noose to ceiling)

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Roger Paul