RIP Florida Fluoride, 'Twas a Wild Ride

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," Dickens began A Tale of Two Cities in [checks notes] 1853. And as we Floridians look upon our gleaming water supply, we find his well-worn phrase suddenly prophetic.

With Gov. Ron DeSantis' May 15 signature on this year's Florida Farm Bill, Florida will become the second state (after Utah) to ban fluoride in public water systems in a law set to take effect Tuesday.

So check your Crest ingredients, folks, because Florida fluoride is on its deathbed, and there will be no ceremonial ash scattering or casket lowering.

Research demonstrates a strong link between fluoridated drinking water and better oral health, including reducing dental cavities. Grand Rapids, Michigan, was the first city to add fluoride to its water supply in 1945, and the practice gradually expanded nationwide over the following decades. Four years later, Gainesville became the third city in the nation (and the first in Florida) to do so. Ocala followed in 1961, while Tallahassee began fluoridating its water in 1987, reflecting the nationwide trends of that era.

But four decades later, in an effort led by conservative Florida Surgeon General Joseph Ladapo, fluoride fell out of favor with many across the state. He has held numerous press conferences calling for the end of what he dubs a "public health malpractice," taken to X (the platform formerly known as Twitter) to label the mineral a "neurotoxin" that "increases the risk of neuropsychiatric disease in children and reduces their IQ," and teamed up with Miami-Dade Commissioner Roberto Gonzalez to eliminate the practice in Florida.

Gonzalez went on his own weird crusade, apparently recruiting eighth-grade students to do his bidding at a commission meeting (yes, they missed school for that "field trip").

But our girl fluoride (R.I.P.) has gotten lost in the mix.

We will miss you, fluoride, even though you made up just 0.7 parts per million (ppm) of our water — the optimal concentration, according to the U.S. Health Service. And while the Florida Dental Association states that "fluoridation of community water supplies is the single most effective, safe and cost-effective public health measure to prevent dental decay and repair early tooth decay," we seem to be in the "age of foolishness."

We will hold dear our toddlers' Hello Kitty toothbrushes as we bribe them with ice cream, which shall only make matters worse, to brush their precious teeth each evening, ere we rest. And we shall think fondly upon the times when scientists and dentists ruled these discussions, as tears well within our weary eyes.

You were a real one, fluoride. And for that, we pour one out.