One of the biggest drags about living in South Florida is the fact that we don't experience a change of season. Save one ... The dreaded hurricane season.
It's bad enough we can't look forward to the leaves changing colors. Or being able to feel the nip of winter in the air. But we're also cheated by the fact that the rest of the world experiences four full seasons and we only get three: (1) the season of prepping for hurricane season; (2) the aforementioned hurricane season; and (3) the season of cleaning up after the freakin' hurricane.
The media and the weather pundits always remind us that we have a proverbial sword hanging over our collective heads. And while Ophelia just crapped out, another tropical storm -- Philippe! -- is gearing up for an attack on SoFla.
Let's get ready with these ten superstormy classic rock songs for hurricane season.
10. Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane"
By far the biggest hit the heavy metal kraut rockers ever had, it actually worked its way to number 25 on the Billboard 100 before dissipating and spinning out into the land of fist-pumping and air guitars. We like the analogy, because if there's anything that can rock your world, it really would have to be a hurricane. Rock it, sock it, and totally eff it up.
9. Neil Young's "Like a Hurricane"
When he's rocking out, old Neil isn't exactly a master of subtlety. "You are like a hurricane/There's calm in your eye/And I'm gettin' blown away to somewhere safer/Where the feeling stays/I want to love you but I'm getting blown away." Wow, that's positively meteorological. We think that NOAA ought to adopt it as their theme song. Or maybe Brian Norcross should license it, bill himself as the Master of Disaster, and croon it in order to ease us out of a tropical depression.
8. The Doors' "Riders on the Storm"
Jimbo Morrison was as ominous as they come, and this song sounds like it's harkening the arrival of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, whose names may well have been Andrew, Katrina, Wilma, and whatever mother happens to hit us next. Supposedly inspired by the classic cowboy tune "Ghost Riders in the Sky," it hit the Hot 100 on July 3, 1971, the same day that Morrison met his maker in a Paris bathtub. Doomridden, enough for you?
7. Deep Purple's "Stormbringer"
The lead track from the band's 1974 album of the same name, it's an ideal example of heavy metal menace, although "Smoke on the Water" would certainly have to be considered an equally descript anthem for Mother Nature's fits and fury. Nevertheless, "Stormbringer" wins out, given that the album cover that sheathed it depicts a 1927 tornado that set down near the town of Jasper, Minnesota.
6. The Folksmen's "A Mighty Wind Is Blowin'"
The grand finale for the film of the same name, it finds the team from Spinal Tap reconvening and giving the '50s and '60s folk scene the same satirical slap they dealt heavy metal the first time 'round. And given its double entendres, "A Mighty Wind" really is a gas!
5. T-Bone Walker's "Call It Stormy Monday"
This is the blues at its best. "They call it Stormy Monday," T-Bone sings. "But Tuesday's just as bad." And frankly, if you find yourself in the path of the storm, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will really suck too.
4. Lou Christie's "Lightnin' Strikes"
Lou Christie didn't have a whole lot of hits. But this tune, with its high falsetto voices and its note of urgency, seems the perfect soundtrack for all those fed up with nature's continuing scourge this year. Not to be confused with Maroon 5's ripoff "Lightning Is Kind of Striking Again." It either strikes or it doesn't, boys. There's no "kind of" about it.
3. Bob Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind"
When Bob drawled, "The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind," he might just as well have been talking about all the other stuff swept up by hurricane gusts ... including your roof, your neighbor's porch, the garbage that litters the lawn of that abandoned house down the street, and just about everything you've ever owned. Yeah, we know it's really a figurative parable about the changes that came to our social and political perspectives back in the early '60s. But when a storm hits, we can't help but veer to a more literal interpretation.
2. Bob Seger's "Against the Wind"
A fable about futility, it might just as well have been titled "Tape Up Your Windows." As Bob wails, "I'm older now but still runnin' against the wind," we'll give him kudos for perseverance. But we still have to wonder why age hasn't brought Bob enough wisdom to take shelter!
1. Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Have You Ever Seen the Rain"
To answer the question bluntly: "Hell yes, we have." Especially when it comes through that space where our roof used to be. It's damn troublesome, in fact. Or how about "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head?" Now that's a pretty jolly song. Try staying jolly when no matter what you do to fix that leak, it doesn't seem to work. And your roof contractor is going to charge you 20 freaking grand. And your insurance company says that's a preexisting condition and they won't pay. And you try to appeal ... But your claim adjustor says, "Hahaha! You can't do a damn thing because our buddy in Tallahassee, Governor Rick Scott, told us we can do whatever we damn well please!"