We know you're gearing up for the big game this Sunday. Maybe you're actually washing your Ben Rapistburger jersey for the first time all season, or polishing your cherished wedge of cheesehead.
Whatever you're doing, you're getting pumped for Super Bowl Sunday. And we are too. Hell, why else would we have shared our list of five Super Bowl halftime moments that didn't suck?
But for every silver lining, there's an ugly little cloud. For every Dallas Cowboys of the 1990s, there's a Buffalo Bills. And for every awesome halftime show, there's a performance of comparable crappiness.
And so, without further ado, here are Crossfade's five Super Bowl halftime moments that totally sucked.
5. Black Eyed Peas
We know what you're thinking. They haven't even performed yet. And perhaps they won't suck at all. But we're going to put them in the five spot as a precaution, because if we have to hear "I Gotta Feeling" one more goddamn time, so help us ...
4. The Who
It feels like sacrilege to put the Who on a list of sucky performances. And yet, they so totally owned this one. If ever there was a listless halftime show, the Who was it. I mean, there's nary a bit of list in the whole damned performance.
3. Michael Jackson
Is it too soon? Or are we far enough removed from MJ's demise to evaluate this thing objectively? The King of Pop sucked. Sure, there was a field full of kids, and the whole nine. But somehow it seemed to suck all the same. Like doing a duet with Chris Rock.
2. Janet Jackson's Nipple Slip
This received an honorable mention on our list for best moments. But it's just as deserving of its place among the worst. For one, there's that gnarly nipple ring we discovered Janet sporting. And it also caused a lot of TV to suck in the crackdown that followed Nipplegate.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
1. Aerosmith, N'Sync, Mary J. Blige, Nelly, and Britney Spears
Even if you never saw this performance, just reading the names of everyone that ended up on stage at the same time ought to tell you something was wrong. We'll give her this much: Pre-breakdown Brit looked HOT! But not hot enough to warrant her and her boy band counterparts sullying Aerosmith and Run DMC's once-great "Walk This Way" collab. That totally sucked.