So, Tough Love is back. And they brought the ladies right here to the Magic City (as if we didn't have enough insanity in this town... ). If you've never had the pleasure of watching Tough Love, the premise of the program is to take a bunch of girls, put them in the house, and fix their daddy issues. And a self-proclaimed love expert/matchmaker/stud named Steve Ward leads them along the way.
Last night we met the cast. Let's see if we can sum them up for you:
Michelle: She is a fitness instructor from good ol'Hollywood, California. At 33, she has made a vision board of what her man should be. On this board, there are words like "sexy" and "fabulous." So, she is looking for a gay man?
Christine: Former Miss Iowa, she is newly divorced and recently out of the plus size section of the department store. There are no daddy issues here, there is just a newly skinny girl missing her muffins and looking for a man. Throughout the first episode, she cries pretty the entire time. Someone get the tissues.
Avonte: She spent nine years of her life dating a married man. Yes, their entire relationship she was the "other woman." And she sees no problem with this. We all apparently just "don't know her life." She also wears clothes that look made for a toddler.
Brigette: Two words come to mind when watching Miss Brigette: hungry tiger. She has been on over 30 first dates this year alone and says she literally no longer has any idea where to find a man. We are going to guess she is the kind of girl that requires a Facebook "in a relationship" status after the first 30 to 45 minutes into a date.
Leilani: Originally from England with an adorable accent, she requires height, looks, and a sweet checking account when it comes to her mate. Yeah, she is our hero. We see no problems with her requirements, so what is she doing on this show? She was also the first to back talk Steve Ward. The girl has balls.
Claudia: A Miami girl, she is a single mother and a telenovela actress. If she is anything like her character, she will be throwing cell phones, crying hysterically, and dating the pool boy by the end of the first episode. When we first meet her, she is wearing a blouse (we're pretty sure we saw a nipple), pencil skirt, and fishnet stockings. She must have played a prostitute that day and walked right off the set.
Chasity: She is super pretty go-go dancer from Las Vegas. On the surface, she seems like a great catch. But Steve Ward makes it very apparent he really wants her to quit her job, which he describes as "dancing for tips." But that's not all. She shops for baby clothes in her free time. No, she doesn't have a child. Uh, oh.
Jane: If we learned anything from interviewing her last week, we know she is a little off her rocker. But what woman in Miami isn't? She is Cuban and proud and not ashamed to explain her personality as "crazy psycho." We also learn during the episode she has never had girlfriends. Red flag, red flag!
And now for the episode:
The first challenge of the season was maybe one of the most awkward things we have ever seen. The ladies had to walk in front of a cattle call of men inside a hotel and hope that at least one would follow them into an elevator. Christine, the only red head, only had one guy follow her in. (This is a country with a dislike for gingers. Is there a Tough Love Ireland she can head over to?) And who had the most dudes follow her in? Gold-digging Leilani.
And then there is what we all watch Tough Love for: group. This is where Mr. Ward seats them and proceeds to break down why he thought they were horrible at their challenge. The first in the hot seat was Claudia. While six men happened to follow her into the elevator, she didn't pick one of them. She took a good look at them and decided she would rather fly solo.
Steve of course wasn't a big fan of this idea and while preparing to rip her a new asshole, she turned on the water works and won him over. In fact, they ended their session with a hug.
Vh1 didn't give us one, but two one-our episodes of Tough Love Miami. Lucky for us, they got down to the nitty gritty right of the bat in episode two: love in the digital age. Oh yes, that means their Facebook pages were looked at, they were Googled, and the way they text all came into play.
If women have ever wanted to know how to properly text and not look crazy, they should be glad they caught last night's episode. Here are a few tips we think all women should take note of:
-Don't over think a text.
-Don't drink and text. Try not to drive, either.
-Don't even think about using the phrase, "LMAO."
-Also, :) & ;) are not welcome and make you look nuts.
-If you send more than five texts at once, Steve Ward will allow a man to get a straining order on you
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
The girls first challenge was to head to a sports bar and meet their blind dates. Sounds innocent enough, right? Our favorite, Leilani, ends up with, who else, George from Miami Social. Perhaps a reality TV marriage made in heaven? During this date session, Tough Love might have made our favorite moment in reality TV, well, ever.
While the girls chatted with their men, the big screens in the sports bar suddenly held a video from Steve Ward, but not for long. He then began to show photos he had raided from their Facebook pages. The best pic of them all: Jane's mug shot. Lets not forget that in the first two minutes of Avonte's date, she informed her suitor that with his dreadlocks, she assumed he was going to rob her. This moment ended her up in the hot seat at group.
Next week looks not to disappoint. Its makeover week- - how can that go anything but dramatic?