You know what? Let's not even talk about it.
The utter trouncing of the Miami Heat last night? Not interested. Wade going one-of-10 in the first three quarters? No need to discuss. The amount of booze it took to wash it all down last night? Do not want.
Let's focus on happy things instead: The weekend is here, Miami is packed with stuff to do, and one of them involves smashing giant piñatas for fun. They're supposed to symbolize debt, but nobody will know if you imagine Tony Parker's face instead.
Friday
- Worries Are The New Pinatas: Fuck your debt. Or at least smash it to smithereens in this workshop with artist Cassie Thornton.
- Laundry and Bourbon and Lone Star: Don't mess with drunk Texas.
- Jazid's 18th Anniversary: If this South Beach institution were a person, it'd be able to legally buy porn. Celebrate with Jahfe and MOB.
- Marlins vs. Pirates: Pro tip: "Yinz" is the Western Pennsylvania equivalent of "y'all." As in, "Yinz is going down, suckahs."
Saturday
- Brontis Jodorowsky: The son of film legend Alejandro Jodorowsky presents his father's film at Miami Beach Cinematheque. Expect the weirds.
- Wynwood Art Walk: Throw your hair in rollers and stroll through the rain.
- Bare Bones: Amorphous personal danceytimes at MTC.
Sunday
- "I Shook Up The World": HistoryMiami's exhibit commemorating the epic Cassius Clay vs. Sonny Liston fight in Miami Beach ends today.
- Father's Day: The guy raised your sorry ass. The least you can do is buy him brunch.
- Miami Heat vs. San Antonio Spurs, Game Five: #stressballs
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.
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