The Pennsylvania-based company Kalan LP, a distributor of novelty items like inflatable beer pong games and shot glasses that say "You must be Irish because my penis is Dublin," is now distributing a line of marijuana-shaped candies, and it's blowing up a storm among the right. Which got me thinking that this isn't the first time we see candy smokes.
When I was a kid there was probably the last penny candy store about three blocks from our elementary school. Every day at lunchtime, we would go and get our daily sugar fix -- JujuBees, licorice, Pop Rocks, and Bit-O-Honey were all popular, but the candy that was most coveted were the candy cigarettes and bubble gum cigars.
The bubble gum cigars came in pink, yellow and green and had little owls on the cigar bands, which were a bonus -- after the gum was done, you could wear the little paper band like a ring.
The cigarettes came in packs like the real thing and were available in two kinds -- little hard sugary ones that no kid liked and the gum kind which had a little bit of powdered sugar on the tip. That powdered sugar allowed you to blow out "smoke". Yes, we pretended that we were smoking cigarettes and cigars.
We also had little bottles of syrup for sale that looked surprisingly like the bottles of Absolut you get on an airplane. And candy pills in little fake prescription bottles.
These candies are long gone from the market, banned by militant mom groups and religious organizations who probably feared that by eating candy fakes, we would turn into little cigarette smoking degenerates.
The
new marijuana-shaped candies on Kalan LP's wholesale site are available in Potheads Sour Gummies
($2 per bag), Pothead Lollipops ($1 each), and Pothead Ring Pops ($1.50
each). They are all sour apple flavored, by the way (not pot flavored).
The candy is clearly designed to be sold in novelty stores like Spencer
Gifts and not the corner candy store (if any still exist).
You'll probably find them on a shelf next to the penis candy pops and
boob pasta that sell as novelties, not at the checkout aisle at Publix.
That doesn't stop militant moms and over-zealous politicians from
rushing to boycott the products. Fox News has reported that the city of Buffalo is particularly up in arms over the candy.
Andrew Kalan, president of Kalan LP, said he was surprised that there's
so much buzz about the candy, which has been on the market since
January, 2011.
He told me that, while he couldn't divulge what stores sell the pot-shaped
sweets, the candies were marketed as novelty items.
"Toys R Us isn't beating down our doors to order these," he said.
Kalan, a father of three children, said his kids have seen the candy and
he's actually used it as an opportunity to start a dialogue about
drugs.
When asked what he felt about the reaction to the candy, Kalan
said, "My take on it is that it's a gag, it's a joke and there are a lot
more pressing issues that are affecting kids today".
And even if they were sold at, say, Publix -- is this really the worst
thing that moms have to worry about? Why the hell is everyone so
uptight, anyway? There was a story in the news a few months ago that
had Katie Holmes defending her parenting skills because daughter Suri
picked up a box of gummy penis candies at New York's Serendipity 3. Ben & Jerry's
was recently under fire for marketing Schweddy Balls ice cream.
I'm not sure just when everyone lost their sense of humor and got so
worried about kids. We basically used to swing from metal bars onto
concrete surfaces, eat red dye number two, and chew on fake tobacco
products -- and most of us survived to become fine, upstanding citizens.
In my opinion, the only consequence that happens after consuming pot shaped candy is an extreme need to see the dentist.
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