Dead Men on Campus

Who wouldn't want to rest for eternity on their college campus? What better a final resting place than the first spot you nervously smoked marijuana because the cute senior offered it to you and you didn't want to seem like a geek but felt like you were somehow giving up some of your sheltered suburban-kid innocence? The place you had your first awkward one-night stand with a classmate from your Introduction to Psychology class, and enjoyed each and every 150 seconds of it? The place where you first blacked out one night and couldn't remember a thing, and even though your friends swear you didn't do anything outrageous, that girl who lives on the floor above you has given you the stink eye ever since?

The University of Florida is trying to pass a measure through the legislature that would allow it to build columbaria on campus so the ashes of alumni can rest there for eternity. Which is entirely morbid and awkward, and at the end of the day will only be a place for undergrads to pull off shenanigans ("Dude, I totally dare you to run naked through the columbarium!"). The bill would allow all state colleges to build columbaria, but UF is the only school really interested. This has caused some lawmakers to call it the "Dead Gator Bill," because they are comic geniuses.

[The Buzz: R.I.P., Dead Gators]