Hillary Clinton Is Coming to Miami Today, and Traffic Is Gonna Suck

Long before the "Thanks, Obama" meme was a glimmer in your racist aunt's eye, people were blaming things on Hillary Clinton. Batting away accusations, from Vince Foster to Benghazi to Emailgate, has become old hat for Hillary.

But there's one thing we can actually blame on Clinton today: She's traveling to Miami this afternoon, and Miami Beach officials are already warning folks that traffic around the major causeways will suck.

According to the Miami Herald, Clinton will dip her toe into the northeastern tip of America's only active Zika transmission zone and visit the Borinquen Health Care Center on the corner of 36th Street and NE Fourth Court this afternoon. Rather than give a speech, the Herald reports, Clinton will speak to clinic operators about how to best handle the Zika virus. The event will not be open to the public.

In terms of local traffic, this means Clinton's motorcade and media circus will be posted right at the mainland foot of the Julia Tuttle Causeway on Biscayne Boulevard in the afternoon. That's arguably already the worst intersection in town, so plan accordingly, or perhaps bring a crocheting kit to pass the time in gridlock.

After her stop at the clinic, Clinton will head to Miami Beach for a $50,000-per-plate fundraiser, held by longtime Clinton ally and Big Sugar kingpin Alfonso "Alfy" Fanjul.

A Big Sugar-hosted fundraiser is arguably not the best look for a candidate accused of cozying up to corporate donors, especially because Fanjul-owned companies likely contributed to that gigantic bloom of Nickelodeon-style green slime that sprouted off of Florida's Treasure Coast in July.

You will have ample time to think long and hard about Clinton's political-donor pool on your days-long commute home tonight.
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Jerry Iannelli is a former staff writer for Miami New Times from 2015 to March 2020. He graduated with honors from Temple University. He then earned a master's degree in journalism from Columbia University.