Starbucks Introduces 31-Ounce Trenta Cup, Fails Italian Class

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Today, suburbia's corporate crack dealer, Starbucks, is rolling out a 31-ounce option for iced coffee, iced tea, and iced tea lemonade in 14 states, and Florida made the cut. But Short Order isn't racing to the nearest 'bucks to order up a super-sized iced latte just yet--we're still trying to tackle a Venti Iced Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha from last week.

Actually, that's a lie. Short Order's never ordered an iced anything at Starbucks. We like our coffee hot, quick, and cheap, like a MiMo hooker. And we like it in moderation, not a cold, Trenta serving of Starbucks' Terraza blend.

As for the name Trenta, we think it's stupid. In Italian, the word means 30, but Starbucks' new cup is 31 ounces. It proves Starbucks is completely out of touch with Italian culture, and that the Seattle-based coffee giant only knows how to exploit it. No, we don't want a cappuccino at four in the afternoon, that's just wrong.

In an effort to save lives, Short Order wants to remind folks that the best thing to drink in 31-ounce portions is water, not Starbucks. In fact, try it in Trenta cups.

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.