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Starbucks Introduces 31-Ounce Trenta Cup, Fails Italian Class

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Today, suburbia's corporate crack dealer, Starbucks, is rolling out a 31-ounce option for iced coffee, iced tea, and iced tea lemonade in 14 states, and Florida made the cut. But Short Order isn't racing to the nearest 'bucks to order up a super-sized iced latte just yet--we're still trying to tackle a Venti Iced Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha from last week.

Actually, that's a lie. Short Order's never ordered an iced anything at Starbucks. We like our coffee hot, quick, and cheap, like a MiMo hooker. And we like it in moderation, not a cold, Trenta serving of Starbucks' Terraza blend.

As for the name Trenta, we think it's stupid. In Italian, the word means 30, but Starbucks' new cup is 31 ounces. It proves Starbucks is completely out of touch with Italian culture, and that the Seattle-based coffee giant only knows how to exploit it. No, we don't want a cappuccino at four in the afternoon, that's just wrong.

In an effort to save lives, Short Order wants to remind folks that the best thing to drink in 31-ounce portions is water, not Starbucks. In fact, try it in Trenta cups.

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

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