Cocktails & Spirits Wood Tavern One of Miami's Douchiest Bars

It's Friday and I've had a long, slightly lousy week. I'm sure a lot of you have, too. Basically, I'm just sitting here waiting for 5 p.m. to roll around so I can get a beer. Wood Tavern is a good choice to get my evening drink on.

It's inexpensive, laid back, local, and has a kick-ass patio. It's a place to meet friends, grab a few drinks, and have fun. They have Taco Tuesday. Wood Tavern is a lot of things. One thing it's not: Douchey!

Apparently, however, some people think otherwise. And those people don't even live here. Wood Tavern just made the list of the 25 Douchiest Bars in Miami on Do you know them?

They describe themselves as "the premier multi-media platform for the most influential young male consumers. This discerning audience is driven by style, music, sneakers, sports, games, gear and girls. Complex Media initially reaches these ahead-of-trend influencers through its uniquely credible, authentic viewpoint and is further amplified by its unparalleled social influence."

Oh...and they're (of course) located in New York City. Not Miami. Which makes them kinda underqualified to rank the douchiest bars in Miami.

Look, that's not to say that there are no douchey bars in Miami. And some of the ones on the list are resoundingly for d-bags. Their review of LIV ("only fun if you're in VIP, and into LMFAO, gelling your hair vertically, and applying copious amounts of self tanner.") was kinda funny.

But they described Foxhole as a "mancave" filled with men "left alone in this bar for so long they've become a sort of feral animal." They advised us to "avoid the bruises and the bros and just stay home" and away from Purdy Lounge.

According to these New Yorkers, Cafeina is a "hotbed for uncool" located "on the mainland". The mainland. Known to Miami residents as the place to go to avoid douchebags.

And Wood Tavern. Poor, undouchey, Wood Tavern. Here's what they said about Wood:

" Let's say you go to a bar, and an entire rugby team tries to talk you into giving them a piggyback ride. If you think that's a funny pick-up line, then you're a douche, and you'd fit right in at Wood Tavern." I've been to Wood Tavern and I've never had an entire rugby team ask for a piggyback ride. Maybe cause I don't attract douchebags. Or go to douchey bars!

Look. Haters gonna hate. I get that. But hate on your own town -- not ours.

I have a call in to the editors of If and when they return my call, I'll ask them to meet me for a drink at Wood Tavern next time they're in Miami. I'm waiting for the call. Because. Ya know. Only a douchey person wouldn't return a phone call -- right?

Follow Laine Doss on Twitter @LaineDoss and Facebook.

Follow Short Order on Facebook , on Twitter @Short_Order, and Instagram @ShortOrder.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss

Latest Stories