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The Ten Best Nicknames For the Marlins Stadium: Help Us Pick A Winner (Update: We Have a Champion)

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​Wow. We knew you guys detested the Marlins Stadium deal, but now we're afraid Miami needs some serious, professional therapy (or at least a big morning hit of Valium) to cope with the Little Havana boondoggle.

We got nearly one hundred suggestions after we asked for a snarky nickname for the ballpark, from regular readers, political activists -- even from one of the candidates running for Miami-Dade County mayor! (Nope, not Uncle Luke). Click through for highlights and to vote on our ten favorites.

Quite a few nicknames took swipes at the lying liars who lied to us while building their house of lies, from the "Ethics Violations Dome" to the "Liar Bowl" to the wordy but accurate "Billionaire Owners Screwed the Taxpayers Again Field."

Others went for the Fish puns, opting for the "Fish Locker" (look it up on Urban Dictionary, as the namer suggests), the "No Attendance Aquarium" and the "Fishhook."

Our Best Entry by a Real Candidate award goes to mayoral hopeful Gabrielle Redfern, who nominates "The Money Pimple" and notes, "I would require the Marlins to pay for future renovations to Dolphins Stadium, if that is what it will take to get the Super Bowl back here." Amen!

But, alas, we have to winnow the pages and pages of stadium rage down to our favorites. Here are our ten picks. Leave your vote in the comments, and we'll update with the winner tomorrow.

One lucky nicknamer gets tickets to the Marlins-Rays series later this month, where hopefully they'll run into David Samson in the hallway and can let him know exactly what we all plan to call his new taxpayer-funded palace.

The Finalists

  • El Estadio de los Douches
  • Candle'Shaft Park
  • The Shit Tank
  • The Money Diaz Pit
  • The Fishstank
  • The Squander Yonder
  • Tropicorrupto Field
  • Loan Shark Aquarium
  • Recall Ballpark
  • The Dong Dome

While Miami votes on a winner, don't forget to check out our feature story on the six biggest lies about the new stadium.


Update: The votes have been tallied, the snarkiest New Times minds have been consulted and we have a winner: The Squander Yonder.

There's the effortless rhyming, the take down of wasted tax dollars and the use of old-timey American idioms, which -- sweet sassy molassy! -- we always appreciate.

Congrats to Miguel Martin Velasquez for the winner and thanks for the great suggestions. Now seriously, find some anger management classes, or at least a good bottle of whiskey.

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