Mugshots Friday, Year-in-Review Edition: 2012 Was Pretty Damn Bloody

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that...

By Michael E. Miller

December 21, 2012

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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

It's been one bitch of a year, Miami. We've collected the bloodiest, most mind-bending mugshots of 2012 to prove it. So sit back in your office and be glad that you didn't get your ass kicked and then thrown in jail like these guys.

Arrested: 10/8
Charged with: Battery
You call that blood? At first we had this guy pegged as an MMA fighter, but his injury looks more like he just smashed a beer bottle over his head for the hell of it.

Arrested: 11/6
Charged with: Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest
Who gets blood on their cheek? This looks more like a toothpick accident than a legit fight.

Arrested: 7/10
Charged with: Disorderly intoxication, resisting officer without violence to his person
Now we're talking. It's not just the congealed streak of gore on this guy's face that makes him so terrifying. Or his resemblance to a Shaolin monk. It's the fact that he has no idea there is a hole in his forehead. Would you tell him?

Arrested: 4/16
Charged with: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon
Technically, there's not that much blood on this guy. But Ay caramba! Just look at the pain in his face.

Arrested: 10/13
Charged with: Battery, false imprisonment
This guy, on the other hand, feels nothing. We're not even sure if that's his blood. Wait, is that the number 50 on his cheek? Oh, hell. He's just a Joel Anthony fan.

Arrested: 11/8
Charged with: Assaulting a police officer
Bandages? Check. Dripping blood? Check. Thoroughly concussed thousand-mile stare? Check. And this dude barely made the top five? Damn, Miami. You were downright violent this year.

Arrested: 11/27
Charged with: Battery
This guy has no patience for suppurating facial wounds.

Arrested: 8/21
Charged with: Aggravated battery
Uncle Fester got fuuuuuucked up.

Arrested: 7/30
Charged with: Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest

Someone go get Al Gore. We have finally found Man Bear Pig.

And the winner of the bloodiest mugshot of 2012 goes to...

Arrested: 10/16
Charged with: Disorderly intoxication, battery, resisting arrest with violence
From the looks of it, cops beat the crap out of this drunkard, then gave him noogies all night just to teach him a lesson. We're got no clue what that lesson was, but it's on this dude's New Year's resolution list.

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Michael E. Miller was a staff writer at Miami New Times for five years. His work for New Times won many national awards, including back-to-back-to-back Sigma Delta Chi medallions. He now covers local enterprise for the Washington Post.

Contact: Michael E. Miller