Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Young Tom Arnold is busy with pressing journalistic business, but I'll do my best to maintain his otherwise unwavering commitment to excellence in mugshot analysis. Let's do this.
Charged with: Cocaine possession
I know she's being booked, but that look still makes me feel like I've disappointed her somehow.
Charged with: Petit retail theft of less than $300
This guy looks like he may have been really cool in a decade that isn't this one; somewhere, a crappy .38 Special cover band is looking for a new drummer. Also, is his jaw swollen or did someone give him a caramel for the ride downtown?
Charged with: Animal cruelty
SEAN CONNERY?! IS THAT YOU?
Charged with: Retail theft greater than $300
This is what happens when you let the photographer tell the perp about that time he went on a date with Jennifer Lopez as he takes the picture. What a skeptical old man -- a face just BEGGING to be featured in graphics used in message board arguments. To wit:
Charged with: Cannabis possession, 20 grams or less
Make all the finger-in-the-light-socket jokes you want, I'm not making fun of him. I don't want him mad at me -- when he gets out I want to take his picture while he stands in front of a really powerful fan. (Also, if you check out this one from far away, it looks like the dude has short hair and is sitting in front of a big hole in the wall.)
Charged with: Cocaine possession, driving without a valid license
She was booked, laughing her ass off, at 5:30 a.m. Just concoct your own zany tale. Our theory involves a quick bump and Men in Black. Is that coke all around her right eye?
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Charged with: Grand theft
Every few weeks we find somebody who just has a king hell gut-melter of a stare. This guy has seen Some Shit. He has also never cried, but only because that's not the technical term for what happens when you're sad and ice comes out of your eyes.
Charged with: Battery
It's a noble attempt at scowling, but the eyebrows aren't really into it. He must not have been satisfied with it either, because he went a totally different direction when he was arrested nine days later:
It was cute until I found out his charges were for domestic violence. Who makes this face after getting charged with domestic violence? And who stretched out the collar of his shirt since his last mug shot?