Miami New Times' Ten Most-Read News Stories of 2023

Book bans. Brightline crashes. Broken promises.

As New Times does each year, we've tallied up our most-read stories to recap and revisit the pieces that garnered the most love these past 12 months. The result is a smorgasbord of breaking news, handy lists, and, of course, quintessentially ridiculous Miami tales.

Remember the time Donald Trump offered "food for everyone" at Versailles – and then left without paying? Or when yet another local establishment was found to have doubled as a porno set?

Here's a countdown of our ten most-read news stories of 2023:
10. "CAKEGATE 2023: Bad Bunny's Restaurant Accused of Gobbling Birthday Girl's Cake," by Naomi Feinstein

After wrapping up a birthday dinner celebration at Japanese steakhouse Gekkō in Brickell last week, six friends were waiting for the staff to return the leftovers of a sizeable cake they had brought to eat as part of the festivities.

It wasn't just any cake that you can get from Publix or whip up at home with a package of Betty Crocker mix. This was the irresistibly decadent strawberry pavlova from Piononos bakery in Key Biscayne. The signature walnut meringue cake filled with dulce de leche and covered in whipped cream and strawberries ranges in price from $36 to $103.

The birthday girl, Vlera, waited for fifteen agonizing minutes until staff returned the cake box to her party at the restaurant, which is owned by rapper Benito Martinez Ocasio AKA Bad Bunny and Miami restaurateur David Grutman.

It was then that Vlera and her friends made a shocking discovery.

"The staff actually ate half of our cake," one of the women, Sabina, claimed in a viral TikTok.

See also: "Boca Woman Has Nervous Breakdown After French Bakery Labels Her 'Cake Thief,' Lawsuit Says"


9. "WATCH: Moms for Liberty Member Demands Florida Librarians' Arrest," by Alex DeLuca

In body-camera footage obtained by journalist Judd Legum of Popular Information, a member of the far-right parent activist group Moms for Liberty is shown standing in the lobby of the Santa Rosa County Sheriff's Office and demanding a police probe into a local school allegedly retaining Storm and Fury, a young adult novel about gargoyles and demons, with some risqué passages. Jennifer Tapley tells officers that a school librarian kept the contested literature on the shelves at Jay High School despite complaints about its content.

Accompanied by an older man who brought the 512-page book in a large manila envelope, Tapley tells officers that a third-degree felony is being committed.

"The governor says this is child pornography," Tapley says of the book in the October 25 clip.

"It’s a serious crime...just as serious as if I handed a Playboy to her right now, right here, in front of you," she adds, motioning to a young girl who accompanied her on the visit.

See also: Moms for Liberty-Backed Candidate Elected Vice Chair of Miami-Dade School Board

8. "Fans Nationwide Agree: Miami Got Screwed by Bad Officiating in Loss to Eagles," by Ryan Yousefi

Miami was called for ten penalties totaling 70 yards, many of them coming in critical instances, while the Eagles logged as many accepted penalties as you and I — zero. None. Apparently, Philly did no wrong to speak of and had a near flawless game on the penalty side.

It's commonplace in any sport for a team and its fanbase to complain about officiating. Typically, it's a tried and true coping mechanism that makes you feel better about yourself in the face of a bad performance.

But when the rest of the nation takes to social media to join your side in fist-shaking, you know it's not just your home-team spirit taking the wheel — and the zebras on the field were that bad. A comment from Snapback Sports' founder sums up social media watching the Dolphins get hosed: "Eagles definitely getting some calls tonight."

7. "'Cooked' Alive: Inmates Stew in Florida Prisons' Extreme Heat," by Alex DeLuca

Only about one-fourth of the housing units in Florida state prisons have AC units, many reserved for sick, mentally ill, pregnant, and geriatric inmates. Less than half of Florida's 50 large-scale prison facilities have dorms that the Florida Department of Corrections (FDC) describes as mostly air-conditioned.

Last August, FDC confirmed to New Times that Lowell Correctional Institution — the largest women's prison in the state — had begun a long-term pilot program testing out cooling units at the facility. But as Florida experiences unprecedented temperatures and heat indexes this summer — and the global temperature reached a record monthly average — the call to swiftly install AC units in more prisons is growing louder.

"We are reaching a heat index well close to 110 degrees in some of these facilities," activist Connie Edson tells New Times. "This is a crisis, and this is something that needs to be looked at right now."

See also: "Florida’s Largest Women’s Prison May Finally Get Air-Conditioning"
6. "A Timeline of Kodak Black's Legal Troubles," by Anna Hopkins and Izzy Kapnick

Some music artists have a harder time staying on the right side of the law than others. In the South Florida hip-hop scene, Kodak Black is one of the more frequent offenders. His legal troubles have persisted for years, and though it’s hard to say to what degree his problems have stunted his career, they're certainly not helping.

For those trying to keep up, here’s a comprehensive list of Kodak Black’s run-ins with the law.

See also: "Kodak Black Stuffed Cocaine in Mouth During Traffic Stop, Police Say"
5. "Death Train: A Timeline of Brightline Fatalities," by Alex DeLuca

Dubbed the deadliest train per mile in America by the Associated Press, Brightline has killed dozens of people across Miami-Dade, Broward, and Palm Beach counties in the years since its 2017 debut. New Times logged more than 30 pedestrian and motorist deaths caused by collisions with the company's trains since January 2022.

A large majority of those fatal incidents involved pedestrians, some of whom police say committed suicide.

See also: "Is Brightline Doing Enough to Keep Miami Pedestrians Safe?"
4. "Meet Miami's 10 Richest Billionaires," by Miami New Times staff

The rich are getting richer — and, apparently, moving to Miami.

From Citadel hedge fund chief Ken Griffin to Goldman Sachs managing director Douglas Sacks, so many "big-money migrants" have moved here that New York magazine dubbed Miami "Little Manhattan." In fact, during the pandemic, the fastest-growing zip code in Miami-Dade County also happened to be its richest.

See also: "Bezos Is Back! Amazon Founder Announces Move to Miami"
3. "High Score: Arcade Odyssey Deals With 'Bible-Thumping' Backlash After Porno Shoot," by Naomi Feinstein

The arcade kept the filming low-key until some internet sleuths realized the setting looked a bit familiar. Thanks to an r/Miami subreddit user's recent post, it became clear the retro arcade was the setting for the porn movie.

"It's turned into a total shitshow," owner Rick Medina tells New Times. "Everybody started up with, 'Oh my God they had sex where you eat.' Just friggin' insanity."

The Kendall-based arcade joins a growing list of South Florida businesses that have doubled as porno film sets. Some other notable locations include a Coral Gables gym, a bowling alley in Pembroke Pines, a Miami Subs in Hialeah, and Gramps, a popular bar in Wynwood.

See also: "Miami Porn Tour: Seven Public Locations Where Adult Films Were Shot"
2. "Every Known Florida School District Book Ban, July 2021 Through June 2023," by Alex DeLuca and Tom Finkel

After more than 200 books were banned in various school districts across Florida between the summer of 2021 and 2022, districts continued the crackdown, instituting 357 more bans between July and December 2022, according to the nonprofit organization PEN America. The organization reports that Florida had the second-highest number of book-banning incidents in the nation during that period, trailing only Texas.

The surge in the removal of books — many of which are about race, sexuality, sexual orientation, and gender identity — came amid a flurry of new Florida laws such as the Stop WOKE Act, which restricts teaching about systemic racism in schools, and the so-called "Don't Say Gay" bill, which bans instruction involving gender identity and sexual orientation before fourth grade (recently extended, in large part, through the end of high school under a new Florida Department of Education rule).

See also: "Miami Booksellers React to Surge in Book Bans in Florida Public Schools"

1. "That Time Donald Trump Promised "Food for Everyone" at Versailles," by Laine Doss

A glad-handing Trump was heard to declare, "Food for everyone!"

So, New Times wondered, did Trump — who famously fancies his chicken from KFC and his steaks well-done and slathered with ketchup but isn't exactly known for picking up the check — treat his fan club to a spread of croquetas, pastelitos, and cubanos chased with cafecitos?

It turns out no one got anything. Not even a cafecito to-go.

See also: "The Circus Is in Town: Crowds Gather in Miami for Trump Arraignment"