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This is the story you've been waiting for your entire life.
This is the story you've been waiting for your entire life.
Photo by Steve via Flickr CC

Marlins Played Loud Fart Noises During Nationals Batting Practice Last Night

Last night, Dan Kolko — the Washington Nationals' broadcaster on MASN — was sitting in the Marlins Park press box before the game when he noticed something weird going on with the audio as the Nats took batting practice. It's normal procedure for the opposing team to have upbeat music playing while they are taking BP, but this music — well, let's just say it sounded like the weirdest Skrillex track ever. 

"Loud fart noises are coming through the speakers," Kolko announced via Twitter. "I swear, I'm not kidding."

Wait, were the Marlins really blasting fart noises at the opposing team during warmups? 

We need to hear a sound, or it didn't happen, Kolko. You're straight-up making stuff up. Nobody will ever believe you. There is literally no way the Marlins would play fart sounds through the loudspeakers in the ballpark while the other team was taking batting practice. If you have no evidence, this claim is slanderous and downright — oh:

OK, yeah, that's weird. Yeah, that's totally a fart noise. I still don't believe it's coming from the Marlins, though. It could totally be audio the Nats broadcast team added to play a prank. Until someone from Miami confirms this is happening — which I find highly unlikely — I still don't believe you. DAMMIT!

Eventually, the Nats got sick and tired of the farting and brought in a wireless speaker to fight off the farts. THIS IS WAR!

We have reached peak Marlins. Not only does the team provide a visual fart on a nightly basis, but now we have audio too — thank God we don't have smell-o-vision yet. But wait — it's not peak Marlins yet! It would be peak Marlins only if they completely denied a thing that is obviously happening, so until that happens, not peak Marl... AND IT HAPPENED.

The real truth is this may be revenge for something the Nats did to the Marlins during their batting practice in Washington earlier this season. It seems instead of the rock music the Fish had requested, the Nats provided elevator music during BP — so the Marlins saved all their farts for the perfect opportunity — THEN LET LOOSE A BARRAGE OF FARTS LIKE NO ONE HAS SEEN BEFORE. 

I have contacted the Marlins front office and am awaiting a response. So far, I have received no email back. I'll update if I get a reply.  

Marlins Played Loud Fart Noises During Nationals Batting Practice Last Night

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