Keys Deputies Arrest Man Dressed as Pirate for Firing Muskets at Cars

A lot of weird things happen in Florida, and we're here every week to wrap up the weirdest. This week: pirates, indians, a homeless woman who wanted to pass on her homeless skills to the children, and an astounding theory on Bigfoot.

Keys Man Arrested for Pirating 
Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for Jamie Spering. The man makes his living as a professional pirate entertainer (in addition to truck driving). Of course, pirating is a highly illegal activity, so it makes sense that Spering would find himself on the wrong side of the law, much like the character he plays. 

Monday afternoon, Spering met up with two lady friends at the Sunset Grille in Marathon to watch the sunset. Spering was in full pirate regalia and had two muskets, a dagger, a knife, and a sword on him. Then trio decided to walk out toward the Seven Mile Bridge for some fun.

Spering shot one round from a musket into the water and then turned and fired another at cars. Don't worry — they were only black-powder rounds, not real ammunition, but it suffices to say that a man dressed as a pirate and firing a gun toward a road still had a lot of drivers shivering their timbers (in fact, one took a cell-phone video that was handed over to police). 

Spering was arrested for disorderly conduct. 

The arrest report has all sorts of fun facts, like his appearance being listed as "flashy — unusual odor." Also, while they booked him, police confiscated the following items: a red leather hat, a silver flask, and "a black leather pirate belt with misc buckles."

Homeless Woman Kidnaps Children, Teaches Them the Art of Being Homeless
One of the joys of being a parent is passing on your skills and interests to your children. Crystal Kinder, 32, apparently doesn't have any children of her own, so she decided to steal some. The skill she taught them, of course, was how to survive on the street. 

According to the Daily News, Kinder lured two children, ages 3 and 5, away from a park in Lakeland and took them to a halfway house. When police arrived, she told them she just wanted to teach the kids how to live on the streets. Naturally, now Kinder has a roof over her head. Unfortunately for her, it's prison. 

Man Who Played FSU's Mascot Killed Over Gumbo 
Caleb Joshua Halley played Chief Osceola while attending Florida State University for four years, and after graduation, he wound up working in the kitchen at Buddy's Seafood Market in Panama City Beach. According to the Tallahassee Democrat, last Tuesday Halley got into an argument with a co-worker, Orlando Thompson, about how much spice should be used in the gumbo. 

The argument turned violent. Thompson grabbed a wooden board, and Halley grabbed a small knife. So Thompson then grabbed a larger knife and slashed Halley three times across the torso. Halley died two days later, and Thompson now faces manslaughter charges. 

And Here's a Florida Man Explaining His Theories About Bigfoot

There's more information here about this fellow if you need it. 

Anyway, this is all nonsense. We all know Bigfoot is called Skunk Ape. 
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Kyle Munzenrieder