Jeb Bush Refuses to Confirm if He Is Actually "Comrade Jeb," World's Best Meme

Meet Comrade Jeb, a new career path for ol' Jebbers.
Meet Comrade Jeb, a new career path for ol' Jebbers.
via Jeb 2020 on Facebook and Reddit
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During President Donald Trump's inauguration events this past Friday, Richard Spencer, the neo-Nazi Ken doll, stood on a street corner in Washington, D.C., explaining the significance of the Pepe the Frog meme to a reporter who has apparently never once used the internet. Then the crowds parted as if moved by the archangel Metatron himself, and a masked hero jumped into the crowd — and socked Spencer in the face.

That hero's identity is still unknown, but according to many internet sources, the man under that cloak was none other than former presidential candidate and ex-Florida Gov. John Ellis "Jeb!" Bush. According to people close to Jeb!, the former Miami businessman has become so angered by Trump's fascist ascendancy that he has resorted to the only choice he believes he has left: destroying the forces of capitalism with his bare hands.

Much like Sen. Ted Cruz, who refuses to deny rumors that he is, indeed, the Zodiac Killer (though his wife Heidi maintains he isn't), Bush won't say on-record that he is not an anarcho-communist agitator dedicated to overthrowing American capitalism. Very suspicious!

New Times has now sent Bush's official contact page two written requests over multiple weeks to sort out whether he is or is not "Comrade Jeb." We've asked, directly, if he's stoking an anti-capitalist uprising in the continental United States. He has not responded.

So we take his unofficial Glomar response — that is, his refusal to confirm or deny the truth — as a tacit, winking hint that John Ellis Bush has, indeed, let his anarchist flag fly.

The news probably surprises Floridians, who otherwise know Jeb! as their right-wing ex-governor who procrastinated fixing the Everglades and really loves charter schools. The rest of the nation knows him as George H.W. Bush's son and George W.'s brother, and also as "Low-Energy Jeb," one of the biggest failures in the history of presidential politics. His campaign against Trump went so poorly last year that he infamously begged a group of supporters to "please clap," which remains hilarious despite the subsequent rise of Trump's baby-fascist tendencies.

The Comrade Jeb meme appears to have originated somewhere within the bowels of Reddit and Facebook — the Comrade-aligned Facebook page Jeb 2020 is even crowdfunding a communist birthday cake for Jeb's birthday, Jebruary February 11.

But no one has quite pointed a finger at who exactly started the meme, which points New Times to only one person: Jeb! himself. Until Bush says otherwise, we can only assume he's silently leaking his own memes to Reddit threads as a way to keep a low profile. That is, until Jeb's Shining Red Army rises up, takes up arms, and overthrows Trump's billionaire oligarchy.

Was it you, Comrade, who donned a sweater and bandanna and cranked that fancy idiot Richard Spencer in the cheekbone with a haymaker? You bet.

Was it you, oh Glorious Leader, who led the Grand January 20th Revolt, charging into that enemy Starbucks in Washington, D.C., and smashing a chair through the windows of the corporatist hegemony?

Say the word, oh Chairman, and the ungovernable forces of antifascism will rise up and follow your lead. We need but one winking hint that you have risen again, and your forces will rise in revolt!

If you have any information as to Comrade Jeb's whereabouts or have spotted him at your local anarchist bookstore, please send a link to our secure email server, WhereIsComradeJeb@MiamiNewTimes.com.

In the meantime, in the words of our Fearless Leader: Please riot!

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