Ten Holiday Gifts We'd Give Miami's Biggest Sports Personalities

A few gift ideas for the sports stars in your life who already have it all.
A few gift ideas for the sports stars in your life who already have it all. Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty, Illustration by New Times
With Thanksgiving (and the leftovers) in the rearview mirror, it's officially shopping season. If you're big on buying gifts for others, December is your Super Bowl. Between Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, and every other day of the week, everyone has set their sights set on finding the perfect gifts for their loved ones.

While this might be the most important year ever to remind your family and friends how much they mean to you, it's also important to remind our local athletes that their hustle and dedication for our entertainment has not been overlooked or underappreciated. That's why we've come up with a special list of presents we think Miami's favorite athletes, coaches, and team managers would appreciate receiving later this month.

Here are a few gift ideas for the sports stars in your life who already have it all.
Tyler Herro: At-home breathalyzer. On January 20, 2021, Tyler Herro turns 21 years old. The legal drinking age, people! This is not a drill. This is the real thing.

Do we think Tyler is irresponsible and in danger of driving while under the influence? No. We don't think those things. Do those of us who have been 21 know that 21-year-olds aren't always the best decision-makers? Yes. We've seen Tyler's Instagram. He's living the life. Better safe than sorry.
Tua Tagovailoa: Costco gift cards. Earlier this year, Tua sat down with GQ and talked about how he spent his first million dollars. Turns out he's a responsible, good boy. Tua says all of his contract money goes in the bank, and he lives off of his endorsement deals. Smart. He also hasn't spent money on anything ridiculous yet.

One of the things Tua says he was forced into buying was snacks for his fellow Dolphins quarterbacks, a bill that reached upwards of $200. That's a lot of Twizzlers and Clif bars! As die-hard Dolphins fans, what better way to show Tua we appreciate him than to take the burden of the cost of snack shopping out of his budget?
Jimmy Butler: Vouchers for one free hour of barista work. Jimmy Butler created Big Face Coffee in the NBA bubble. He charges $20 for a small, medium, or large, and $50 for two smalls. He does not pay the children baristas he employs.

For anyone else, this would be outrageous. But because it's Jimmy Butler, we would like to help further increase his margins by giving him one hour of barista service for free.

We'd like to imagine this would bring down the prices, but knowing Jimmy, they'll probably go up.
Brian Flores: Badass sunglasses. Miami Dolphins head coach Brian Flores is already an intimidating dude. He's the sort of guy who can just look at a player and get them to straighten up. He's always been missing something, though. Something that would complete the look. For me, it's a pair of Terminator-like sunglasses that would really set off his intimidation level.

Deep down, Dolphins fans have learned Flores is a sweetheart. Other teams don't need to know that, though.
Erik Spoelstra: Massage Envy gift certificates. The Miami Heat ended its season in mid-October. In a matter of days, it'll begin its next season. Teams that missed the playoffs last season will have had almost a year off, while the Heat had barely enough time to eat Thanksgiving dinner.

Coach Spo needs some "Spo time," so we're gonna gift him some massage certificates so he can make it through this hellish 2020-21 season.
Ryan Fitzpatrick: Beard oil. Dolphins part-time starting/part-time backup quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick is known for his beard. It's sort of his thing. When he cut it a bit shorter last month, it was literally breaking news for the media that cover the team. Many people were saddened to learn of the loss of Fitzpatrick's chin lettuce.

As good Dolphins fans, it would be nice to send Fitzpatrick on his way into retirement with a gift basket full of beard oils and conditioners. That thing is only going to get grosser the older he gets. Let's help him be proactive here.
Bam Adebayo: An Amazon Echo. Bam Adebayo is about to buy all the houses with his new contract money, so he'll need to smarten up his homes with some Amazon products. Being able to tell Alexa to turn off the lights or turn on the television after a double-overtime game against the Celtics is key.

I'm no basketball player, but I can't imagine not being able to ask Echo to do things for me. It's luxurious. Bam Adebayo deserves the finer things in life after signing a $195 million deal. That's why we're going to get him a $30 piece of technology for Christmas.
Kim Ng: Publix gift cards. The Marlins' new general manager is new to Florida. That means she's probably new to Publix. In Florida, you really don't have much of a choice but to frequent one. Whole Foods doesn't cut it when you need everything from paper towels to deli meat.

Let's introduce Kim Ng to South Florida in the most South Floridian way we know how: by stuffing a chicken tender Pub Sub in her face and pretending like it's something special.
Mike Gesicki: Taylor Swift concert tickets. You would never pin a Miami Dolphins tight end as a huge Taylor Swift fan, but that's what Mike Gesicki says he is and has always been. Who are we to judge him?

When this not-being-around-people-owing-to-fear-of-death ordeal is over, wouldn't it be nice if Dolphins fans treated one of the team's star players to a nice Swifty concert? According to Gesicki, it's what he wants.
Duncan Robinson: Starbucks gift cards. Duncan Robinson has a partnership with Dunkin' Donuts, because of course he does. He likely can walk into any Dunkin' in America, show a card, and get a free brew.

That shouldn't stop Heat fans from making sure he never has to pay for an actual good cup of coffee, though. Real coffee. Not some watered-down Boston coffee. Adult coffee. Yeah, we said it.

Let's get Duncan some Starbucks gift cards. He can use the drive-thru and wear his mask so nobody knows. 
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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.