Health

COVID-19 Giving You Frown Lines? Dr. Miami Offers Drive-Thru Botox

Dr. Michael Salzhauer, AKA Dr. Miami
Dr. Michael Salzhauer, AKA Dr. Miami Photo courtesy of Dr. Michael Salzhauer
click to enlarge Dr. Michael Salzhauer, AKA Dr. Miami - PHOTO COURTESY OF DR. MICHAEL SALZHAUER
Dr. Michael Salzhauer, AKA Dr. Miami
Photo courtesy of Dr. Michael Salzhauer
In the age of COVID-19, Miami has pretty much gotten used to the get in, get out, everything to-go lifestyle.

We're not dilly-dallying in grocery aisles pondering what to make for dinner. Although Miami-Dade is now reopening in phases, ordering takeout and shopping online has become a way of life. Some businesses even offer curbside pickup with the promise of minimal human contact and full personal protective gear.

If you can procure food, alcohol, and groceries from the safety of your open car window, why not a cosmetic procedure, too? If the pandemic is giving you frown lines, have no fear: Dr. Michael Salzhauer, better known as Dr. Miami, is here.

The penis-enlarging, documentary-starring plastic surgeon is offering drive-thru Botox injections at his Bal Harbour office beginning Sunday.


"Just wear a mask, put your head out the car window," Salzhauer says. "Pull right on up. Five minutes. Boom, boom, Botox, and they're on their way."
If unemployment hasn't got you down and you can spare a few hundred bucks to smooth out your crow's feet and forehead wrinkles, you can fill out an online intake form with your medical history. Salzhauer will pre-screen anyone who reports a history of COVID-19 symptoms or recent international travel. Patients can confirm their appointments, pay online, and show up at their scheduled times. Salzhauer and his staff will be in full protective gear — "space suits," as he calls them. Safety first.

Dr. Miami says if drive-thru Botox catches on, he'll regularly offer appointments on Sundays. Ba-da-bing, ba-da-Botox.

Salzhauer says he's usually booked years in advance. Before the pandemic, he had appointments set through 2022. Rescheduling everyone has been a logistical nightmare, he says.

After a two-month lockdown, a lot of people seem ready to get out of their houses and into a cosmetic-surgery office. According to a recent story on The Cut, wealthy clients of plastic surgeons in New York have begged and bribed to have their procedures done despite stay-at-home orders. Salzhauer says he too has had clients offer to pay cash upfront for cosmetic work. Some have "enthusiastically rooted" for him to open sooner than was allowed.

"Bribe is a strong word," he says. "But the demand hasn't stopped."

Twitter, meanwhile, is already asking when Dr. Miami plans to offer drive-thru Brazilian butt lifts.
KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Alexi C. Cardona is a staff writer at Miami New Times. A Hialeah native, she's happy to be back home writing about Miami's craziness after four years working for Naples Daily News.
Contact: Alexi C. Cardona