Democrats Got Tea Bagged All Night Long

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Today, Luke reflects on last night's election results.

I have to congratulate the Tea Party. They came out in numbers and voted, This gave the Republicans a stunning historic election victory. The Take Back America movement is a force to be reckoned with.

Now, all the African Americans who stayed home have no right to complain when new Gov. and fraud veteran Rick Scott puts up armed security checkpoints and barbed wire fences around every housing project in Florida. Welfare recipients can't moan when the state drug tests them before issuing food stamps.

And to you Hispanics who voted for Florida's new governor: Don't get riled when the cops pull you over and ask for your American birth certificate. Don't block intersections on the Shula Expressway when Scott takes away your abuelita's medicaid benefits. You get what you voted for.

As for me, I look forward to seeing what direction our multimillionaire governor takes us in.

I am less worried about Marco Rubio veering too far right. He can't support off-the-wall anti-immigration policies that won't play well in the exile community. He'll do his Tea Party wonder boy thing when he visits north Florida, but he'll have to be more moderate if he wants to accomplish anything in the Senate, which is still controlled by the Democrats.

To this day, I cannot understand why Kendrick Meek gave up his safe congressional seat. I asked Meek why he thought he could win this race. He told me Republicans would split between Rubio and Crist, while registered Democrats and Independents would push him to the top. Instead, he spent $8.4 million to come in third.

To voters, Meek sounds like every other guy in office. People want to see you act like a rebel and go against the grain. They loved that Scott wouldn't meet with editorial boards. The regular folk adore a candidate who stands up to the biased mainstream media. There was none of the flair or fire to Meek's campaign.

But his loss was not entirely his fault. The Democratic Party cock-blocked Meek. Liberal leaders were like the ugly rich dude who buys bottles at LIV nightclub for a bunch a girls that have no interest in sex with him. The Democrats are like University of Miami fair weather fans who talk a lot of shit on local sports talk radio but never show up to any home games -- unless the Hurricanes are playing Florida State or Florida.

Meanwhile, the Tea Party is like the Gator Nation, who show up to home games no matter who the team is playing. And yesterday, the Tea Party showed up for the big game.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Listen to Luke's podcast, The Luke Show.