In this week's sign that our world is doomed, witness the launch of Anxo, a Miami-based line of bulletproof clothing for civilians. Its slogan, and we can't make this shit up: "Our promise: You won't be a victim of fashion."
Bulletproof clothing is not an original phenomenon, of course. In narco-ruled provinces of Latin America, where the upper classes often travel with bodyguards, everyday Kevlar is all the rage, with several labels popping up to fill the niche. One of the most succesful companies is that of "high-security fashion" provider Miguel Caballero, who lists among his clients the president of Colombia and Steven Seagal, who, we were disappointed to learn, cannot just kick away incoming bullets.
The sad part is, depending on where you live in South Florida -- think
Opa-locka or Liberty City, where stray bullets fly like Tootsie Rolls at a parade -- this
actually isn't an outlandish idea. And with Anxo, you can look good while struggling to catch your breath after being hit by a slug as your right-hand man drags you into your Escalade. The company offers everything from sleek white button-downs to undershirts to leather jackets, and even a ladies line. No pants, though.
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And though Anxo insists its clothing is for "law-abiding adults" (it's illegal for felons to buy bulletproof accessories), its prices are a bit prohibitive for those of us not in the powdered-energy industry. The garments cost from $2,000 to $4,000.