Sometimes you gotta blog about poop.
Certain people (e.g. coprophobics, squares, the devoutly religious, the squeamish) will gasp at the mere mention of doo-doo.
But Crossfade will not stand for the repressive constraints of a hegemonic power structure that demand we deny the relationship feces has to existence, from birth through life to death.
We want to be on the cutting edge of a society that is transforming itself into an open-minded culture of poop positivity.
So without further ado, here are the top five poop tunes of all time!
5. Uncle Luke's "I Wanna Rock (Doo Doo Brown)"
Luke's entire musical career was an evangelical mission spreading the gospel of booties, badonks, and badamns. But the former 2 Live Crew member, prominent ass aficionado, and Miami New Times columnist knows that one must love the entire caboose, passengers included. "I Wanna Rock" kicks off the list for its Three Six Mafia-level innuendo, but ranks at the bottom because "Doo Doo Brown" is still in parenthesis.
4. Mothers of Invention's "Hot Poop"
This Frank Zappa burner is not explicitly about poop. But you know, Frank, The Mothers, Captain Beefheart, etc., were all far-out groovy dudes who tapped into psychedelia without drugs. So we're pretty sure there's more to "Hot Poop" than some confusing hippie rants. And yes, we already know about the backwards track.
3. G.G. Allin's "Feces and Blood"
And now for something completely fucking different ... G.G. Allin was the belligerent apotheosis of psychedelia. And he was perpetually on every drug ever, simultaneously. He was born Jesus Christ Allin. He died from an overdose after starting a riot at his last performance. And at his funeral, his twisted friends took pictures with the corpse, which was dudded out in a leather jacket and clutching a bottle of booze. This man was a piece of shit.
2. Screaming Jay Hawkins's "Constipation Blues"
"Most people record songs about love," Screaming Jay Hawkins opines at the start of this classic tune. "Heartbreak, loneliness, being broke. Nobody's actually went out and recorded a song about real pain." Well, Hawkins did just that with his backed-up barnstormer.
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1. "The Diarrhea Song"
Behold! The greatest song about excrement ever! The Diarrhea Song is the ultimate poop tune because it's an open-source oral tradition. The official version is any that meets the rhyme scheme and cleverly (or not so cleverly) suggests the urgent need to evacuate thy bowels of steaming hot waste.