How stupid is work? The stupidest, obviously, but it’s a necessary evil. Like flossing, or Ryan Seacrest.
Of course, you can take only so much monkeying around before you throw your hands up in the air and dismiss all of your adult responsibilities for a good, old-fashioned game of hooky.
Days off are sadly few and far between, so you’ve really got to make the time off count. Don’t hang around doing chores or catching up on errands. Drink away every moment of that sweet, sweet victory.
Because we at New Times are passionate about our daytime drinking activities, we’ve compiled this handy-dandy list of bars, pubs, taverns, and hotel pools, from the fanciest South Beach digs to the down-and-dirtiest dives. The best part is, all of these places are open by 1 p.m., but most open even earlier.
Wynwood Brewing Co.
Panther coffee is tight and everything, but some days are better spent in a bubbly haze. That’s what the Wynwood Brewing Co. has down pat, and it's here amid the beautiful murals just for you. Start with a flight of beers and see what taste combinations hit your mark, then get comfy on the big wooden tables and just stay like that, chugging your favorite flavors and playing lil’ board games. It’s also one of the few places in Miami with bike parking, but no drinking and pedaling, people!
With an opening hour of 10 a.m. Monday through Friday, this cash-only, dimly lit nom and drink joint might be the most day-drinkin’est place in the city. The menu is supercheap and superstacked with liquor and unpretentious suds. Shit, it's even got cheesecake. You’re clearly not watching your weight when you’re drinking beer before noon, guys.
Playwright Irish Pub
Here’s another real drinker’s daytime hang, albeit with a little more class than the rough-neck atmosphere’s of Churchill’s or Duffy’s. Once again, because it’s a pub, food is nestled right next to the booze at center stage. Don’t feel pressured to eat it, now, but if you’re hanging on the barstool for a few hours, it’s probably in your best interest. It’s easy to sit for a while if you’ve got good company, but even if you don’t, the place is full of TVs for any sporting event you could possibly desire, and there’s a jukebox. Go ahead and get crazy.
Shuckers Bar and Grill
You want beautiful views? You want oysters? You want enough alcohol to turn your face numb? You want all of this by 10 a.m. sharp on a Monday morning? Well, amigo, you’ve come to the right place. Happy hour might be the logical step, because both bar and food menus come at a great discount, but that’s like way too late in your game. You’re a champion. And if you’re a champion with a boat (or an immaculate breast stroke), the dock is a great place to slide in and tie up. If you don’t have a boat, it’s a great place to bum around and pretend.
Looking for the party vibe while the sun still shines? Lushy people swear by this place. Drink up all the frozen beach drinks your body has room for. Dance to the sounds of the DJ. The clothes are tiny, and the pitchers are gigantic. The sound is loud, and so are the colors. This is exactly what one pictures when they say they’re coming to South Beach. Go ahead, live like a tourist. We won’t tell anyone.
Abbey Brewing Co.
Looking for moderately priced craft beer in a comfortable South Beach setting? If so, look no further than SoBe’s first and only honest-to-goodness brew pub. The kind and knowledgeable staff will get you situated with a full glass or bottle of something really special. It’s decorated like some kind of old-timey monk retreat, but unlike our pious friends of the past, you’re going to get quite slippy. Get outside of your comfort zone with a growler of something wacky. It can be a bit pricey, but hey, we hear it's got White Castle burgers.
Vintage Liquors and Wine Bar
This isn’t just a bar or a pub or a rockin’ party hotel. This is a full-on store with an insane selection of delicious wines and hard liquor. Of course, it’s not just a store either. For a $7 uncorking fee, you can start enjoying your purchase right there in-house. Saddle up to the bar or a table, and get some noms or cake too. It's also got delectable sangria, the perfect day-drinking delight, in our humble opinion.
Being at Churchill’s in the daylight hours has the potential to be a little desolate. Of course, if you’re a Churchill’s regular, you've probably seen some serious shit and could use those 11 a.m. beers. This place has all the trappings of a real drinker’s bar. It’s never too early to play a game of pool or five, and when you’ve had enough drink to drink, you can stumble over to Sweat Records and drunkenly drop more cash on classic records. Churchill’s also serves great bar food, because that’s what pubs do.
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Again with the beautiful ocean views and the beer-ready finger-food menu. Another great spot for people-watching and strong-pour mixed drinks that taste like vacation. With severe names like the Pain Killer, you know what you’re getting yourself into. Bring your bathing suit and get comfortable.
If you must day-drink, the Standard pool bar takes the cake – both literally and figuratively. It’s not known for its dollar beers, buddy, but you won’t be able to beat the people-watching and beautiful setting. With plenty of delicious bites on hand, you’re sure to rack up a hefty bill, so save this spot for a real treat-yo’self moment, unless you’re a baller, and then, really, why aren’t you here like every day?