Miami's top ten hardcore punk bands

One day soon, a flood might come and drown us all in Biscayne Bay. But for now, the city stinks, God is broke, and the youth is getting restless. The politicians hate the poor, the pigs take every opportunity to slam your face into the pavement, and the Everglades are about to become a Kendall parking lot. And between ICE, Homeland Security, and Rick Scott, most of your friends have been deported.

Will you sit at home and rot? Or will you rise above and fight the system? Music isn't just a way to escape reality; it's also a way to struggle against what's wrong with it. Give thanks we live in a country where we can protest loud, fast, and hard, using whichever words we want.

Here are Miami's top ten hardcore punk-rock hopes.

10. Baker Acted. The Miami scene probably has more bands with female members than almost any other city in America. And this one has a chick singer. But what makes Baker Acted great is its totally furious tuneage. When this crew plays a house party, the ceiling ends up full of boot marks. Baker's members go so hard that their blisters get blisters, their guitars end up bloodstained, and their eardrums explode. Actual chain saws listen to Baker Acted when they don't want to hear themselves talk.

9. To Be Hated. Sure, the working stiffs of To Be Hated would put their vinyl up for sale at your stupid indie record store. But they know you'd just use it as a coaster for your latte. These guys deserve respect as some of the hardest-hustling punks in the South. When they aren't in Miami, they're chasing down gigs across Florida and singing against shitty jobs, the corrupt justice system, and everything else that sucks. Their style is simple in the best way — melodic and easy to sing along with, even if you're hearing To Be Hated for the first time.

8. Hardware Youth. Straight-up American hardcore, baby. Hardware Youth's rhythm guitar player is faster in the pocket and harder on the breakdown than anyone in Dade County. Its lead singer is more explosive than a lit match dropped in a gas can. And generally, the crew plays cover songs by great New York bands like Warzone, Judge, and Agnostic Front. The average set feeds off the energy in the pit, and this band is not afraid to make fun of a lazy crowd. Hardware Youth is rooted in the old school. And as roughneck as it sounds, it's all about unity.

7. Eztorbo. Sometimes, when the music hits you, you feel pain. Have you ever been mangled, kicked in the chest, and put in a headlock by a song? This band is political as fuck in the best, most First Amendment way possible. If Benjamin Franklin were still alive, he would be a dedicated roadie. The songs are short, ugly, and full of grindcore, causing circle pits in every city where an Eztorbo show goes down. It's all about Pendejo Productions, independent local music distribution, and keeping the scene going by any means necessary.

6. Unit 6. Classic punk-rock fury! This is one of the longest-lasting bands in Miami right now. Unit 6 drinks, smokes, parties, plays fast, and talks shit. This crew will steal your girlfriend, hand you a beer can full of piss, and smoke all your cigarettes. It will go to your house, throw up in the fish tank, crap on your couch, and wipe its ass with your towel. This maniac gang reps Hialeah, spiked leather jackets, Mohawks, krip weed, and Jack Daniel's.

5. Nobodys Hero. Stacked with players who've done decades in other great local crews, Nobodys Hero has mastered the craft of punk-rock music: play in tune, in time, and faster and more furiously than a Marlin on a long line. The dudes of Nobodys Hero may be old, but they'll be young till they die. They don't care what you say — they got that attitude. They're not in it for the money. There's not really any money in it anyway. They play because it's fucking fun, and that's just the way it is.

4. Gorilla Pussy. Yeah, this band's name is Gorilla Pussy. And it will pull your face through the holes in your boombox speakers and eat your soul. It will kick you in the nuts, spin you in circles, pull your underpants over your head, and drown you in a toilet at a Metrorail station. It will kick you in the shins, grab you by the septum, and toss you in a dumpster full of razor blades at the free clinic. Gorilla Pussy has more 30-second songs than you have toes and fingers.

3. Askultura. This outfit boasts more wildlife than National Geographic. It swags so hard it could make Helen Keller dance. And it's crunk-rock urban-reggae punk is welcome at any party and any venue, like free liquor on a Friday. With hand drums, stick drums, horn brass, heavy bass, island riddims, voices from the Congo, and guitars from the city, Askultura turns every show into a carnival and every club into an animal house.

2. Guerrilleros de Nadie. These warriors are full-fledged, battle-scarred, hardcore punk-rock infantry. They don't march. They stomp into battle headfirst and ready for war. They throw shows, build venues, and fight for all of Miami. They do more for the scene before you wake up than most bands do in a lifetime. They play with more heart than a surgeon with a fistful of ventricles. They're only three people, but they sound like seven.

1. Enough! This band is the lifeblood of Destroyio Records, which is one of the strongest forces keeping punk rock alive in Miami. Enough! sounds like old-school California music filtered through the pisshole of America that is Miami on the dickhead tip of Florida. You will leave this crew's concert and have its songs stuck in your head till next time you see it play. And then you will sing along, buy an album, learn to play, start a band, and open for them at Churchill's. Do it. Start today.

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Jacob Katel
Contact: Jacob Katel