Make It Rain: A Three-Step Guide for Strip Club Newbies

The act of throwing money at nude or semi-nude dancers has been around for eons. Or at the very least, as long as gentleman clubs have existed.

But there's more to the art of ballin' than just tossing paper currency in the air and watching it fall onto some stripper's ass crack.

There are a number of sophisticated strip club techniques that have been perfected by rainmaking millionaire rappers and rock stars. And so, we present you with this quick, three-step guide to the art of making rain.

1. The Forecast

A weatherperson doesn't keep the rain a secret, right? Well, neither should a big money baller.

After serving three months in the clink, rapper Gucci Mane celebrated his release at Miami's King of Diamonds. But before arriving, Mane tweeted, "I'm back bitch gucci back bitch did u miss me or miss my raps bitch..."

Clearly, Mane's tweet was a warning, a message to let everyone know that he's bringing a money storm to KOD. And as forecasted, Mane made it rain George Washingtons.

2. Dress Comfortably

When Rihanna hit up an NYC strip club this week to watch dancers simulate cunnilingus, the 24-year-old singer rocked an Oakland Raiders shirt and jorts. Lil Wayne? He wears a white T-shirt and skate shoes when he makes it rain.

Point is, dressing up for a strip club only makes you look like a rookie. The dancers know who's got the money. And it's not the dude rocking a three-piece-suit.

In fact, that guy's probably a low-level skeezer trying to con strippers into selling their bodies, a huge no-no in the industry.

3. Act Natural

VIP? No big deal. Oh, that chick rocking her shirt just above her bare breasts? She's with the crew. A Staples banker box filled with stacks of money? Of course, you can't fit $150,000 in singles in a wallet.

Nothing about your strip club visit should suggest that you're having the best time of your life. A true pimp treats a strip club visit like an average Friday. Why? Because it just so happens to be a mofuckin' Friday.

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Victor Gonzalez
Contact: Victor Gonzalez