Shaaron! Shaaaron! Are you going to give your poor husband a break for a little while? We know you "work," but most of your shopping sprees at Tiffany and Cartier are probably subsidized by the major moola he makes while on tour. Okay, so it was your idea to send him out there. Keep him busy, off drugs and alcohol, and away from the kitchen and the remote control at the house. But poor guy: He wants to go home. Well, now he can. Ozzfest 2003 closes its many-city march today at our very own Sound Advice Amphitheatre (601-7 Sansbury's Way, West Palm Beach). A few of the bands joining the Prince of Darkness for fourteen hours of metal music on two separate stages will be Korn, Marilyn Manson, Chevelle, Memento, Cradle of Filth, Depswa, and South Florida-locals-made-big Endo. Doors open at a horrifying 9:00 a.m. Tickets range from $46 to $76. Call 561-793-0445. (NK)
Friday August 29
Eleven of the leading practitioners of homegrown DJ culture will be spinning and popping and otherwise bringing down the house at 2wilite, an electro-bass, hip-hop, break-beat extravaganza at Mad House (3501 Rickenbacker Cswy., Key Biscayne). Headlining are DJ Trip of Trip Theory, Brimstone127, DJ Safe Stadick, Salim Rafiq, and others. Along with live percussion throughout the night, there will be a break dance contest with cash prizes. Doors open at 10:00 p.m. Tickets cost $10 and $15. Call 305-365-9391. (JCR)
Saturday August 30
Health and safety is what county Commissioner Joe Martinez is all about, especially now that he's the chairman of the commission's public safety committee. To make it official, Martinez will be hosting the Joe A. Martinez Health and Safety Awareness Fair, an event organized to provide options to poor uninsured residents. Several local organizations will be on hand to provide checkups, HIV screenings, pregnancy tests, and cholesterol counts. Perhaps Martinez's daughter Analeen and her two teenage girlfriends will participate with a road rage demonstration, months after allegedly pummeling a 56-year-old woman and then boasting about how Daddy, a big-time commissioner and ex-cop, would get them out of trouble. The health fair begins at 10:00 a.m. at the Miami-Dade County Fair & Expo Center, 10901 SW 24th St. Admission is free. Call 305-552-1155. (JCR)
Sunday August 1
Earth, Wind & Fire, baby! They're back and they're headlining Music Fest Miami at Bayfront Park (301 Biscayne Blvd.). From 2:00 p.m. to midnight among the rides and games and arts and crafts, an array of musicians from all over the place will perform as well. To name a few of them: Doug E. Fresh, J'zabehl, Alex Bugnon, and Jonathan Butler. Tickets cost $15 for general admission and $35 for reserved seating. Call 305-373-0011. (NK)
The Spanglish, Nuyorican, arroz-con-mango urban gringo-Cuban soul lives at the heart of Yerba Buena, perhaps New York's premier Latin-funk combo. Founded by producer Andres Levin and featuring the Yoruba rhythms of conguero Pedro Martinez and sizzling vocals of Xiomara Laugart, the band is racking up critical acclaim and burning up the Latin alternative charts with its debut album, President Alien. Today they crank out their hip-hop-tinged roots music in a showcase concert at I/O (30 NE Fourteenth St.). Earlier this year the group brought down the 73rd Street Bandshell. Here's your chance to catch them in case you missed the show. Opening for Yerba Buena is Miami's own DJ Le Spam and the Spam Allstars. The show begins at 10:00 p.m. Tickets cost $20. Call 305-471-4965. (JCR)
Monday September 1
What HGTV makes look so easy on all those cheery redecorating shows can really be a major pain in the ass. Once you've begun renovating your digs, you become an official member of the cult, the Brotherhood of the Home Depot, and like the Mafia you must die to get out. A regular bathtub is not good enough. Yours must have whirlpool jets. Formica on your countertops is for losers. Granite is the way to go. Ceramic tile on the floors doesn't look nearly as good as marble. You'll never be satisfied -- and the renovation will never end! You can pick up an infinite number of ideas for your abode at the Miami Home Design & Remodeling Show, which has been going on for the past three days at the Miami Beach Convention Center (1901 Convention Center Dr.) and ends tomorrow. The more than 1200 displays centering on lighting, flooring, window treatments, landscaping, interior and exterior accessories, and who knows what else will keep you busy throughout eternity. Best of all, HGTV hostess Kitty Bartholomew (you know, the chick with the skunk stripe in her hair) will be there at 1:00 and 3:00 today to share tips and answer questions. Showtime is noon to 7:30 p.m. today and 6:00 to 10:30 p.m. tomorrow. Call 305-667-9299. (NK)
Tuesday September 2
You want nothing more than to be your own boss. But you don't even have the money to buy your own lunch. Uh-oh. Sounds like you need the help of a higher power, maybe a twelve-step program? Assets Miami offers you something close. A step-by-step eleven-week program sponsored by Miami Urban Ministries, the idea is to give low-income folks with big ideas like you a chance to start a (legal) business of some sort. Topics covered include finances, promotion, business plans, and the inevitable taxes. Learn more at 7:00 p.m. at the Ebenezer United Methodist Church, 2001 NW 35th St. Cost is determined on a sliding scale based on income. Call 305-442-8306 to register. (NK)
Wednesday September 3
The last time the Latin Grammy Awards were supposed to be in town, a couple of planes hit the World Trade Center and the world changed. This time around, a major storm (tropical depression Fabian at press time) threatens to bust the party with as much fury as an anti-Castro protester yelling his or her lungs out in front of the Freedom Tower. Still, if you're alive to read this and the city is intact, the show will go on. The televised shebang begins at 9:00 p.m. at the American Airlines Arena (601 Biscayne Blvd.). Only members of the Latin Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences could purchase tickets, but you can watch the live broadcast on TV or protest across the street for free. (JCR)
