Jane the Virgin might be the best show on television. It's a funny and warm depiction of three generations of Latina women, set in Miami. It's a wonderfully complicated show, and we've undoubtedly spent way too many nights binge-watching and cyber-stalking it's perfect cast members (call us, Gina Rodriguez). And yet, for a show that's set in Miami, we're pretty sure that not a single writer or cast member knows anything about Miami. But have no fear, Jane the Virgin showrunners, we're here to offer you a bit of humble advice on how you can make your depiction of Miami a little more accurate (we're all about service journalism here at New Times). Barring that, you could always come film a couple of scenes here in the Magic City a la Dexter, we'd be more than happy to host you.
So without further ado, here are a couple of times you got Miami totally wrong, and completely broke our hearts.
In nearly every single episode, Jane takes the bus everywhere. In the alternative reality that is Jane the Virgin's Miami buses are abundant, reliable and accessible; so nothing like the actual Metrobuses that service Miami-Dade county. Indeed, in television Miami, buses are so reliable and passengers are so kind, that when Jane finally goes into labor, both are happy to drop her right at the hospital. There is also no traffic in this magical Miami that Jane Villaneuva calls home. Let's all go there.
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In Chapter Six, Jane's father, the hot Rogelio, gives her a car. It's an extravagant gift from a dude she's just met, sure. But Jane's been taking the bus everywhere (see above), and Rogelio thinks a car is a perfect way to buy her love. But Jane does something that no Miamian ever has ever done: She turns down the car because public transportation is so reliable. Jane the Virgin fans across Miami yelled at the television screen and shook their heads, because if there's one thing a Miamian would never do, it's give up a perfectly fine car because you want to take the bus.
In Chapter 16, Jane just wants to relive a magical childhood moment; a moment where she fully understood what true romance was, a moment at... Calle Ocho. Yes, in the minds of Jane the Virgin writers Calle Ocho is just a family-friendly street fair with salsa dancing, balloons for the kids, and a place where real romance reigns. Clearly no one on the show's staff has ever been to Calle Ocho. Sorry Jane, there might be romance at Calle Ocho, but it's not the kind that stands the test of time, let alone a few days. The landscape is Jane the Virgin is lovely. Jane and her on again/off again/father of her childhood work at a stunning South Beach hotel. The beautiful pools and sunny skies might have America convinced that they're on South Beach, but no one in Miami is buying it. Look, Miamians (and Angelenos) can tell the difference between a tall, thin California palm tree and a Florida palm tree any day. Plus, even though the Ritz Carlton Marina Del Ray (where they shoot the hotel scenes) is swanky as hell, no South Beach hotel sits overlooking a marina. Marinas are nice, but here in Miami we can actually lay on the beach, we love beaches. Eat it, Southern California. In Chapter 19 there's this whole subplot in which Roman Zazo takes Petra to the Everglades with the intention to murder her. We're not going to attempt to explain the plot of Jane the Virgin here, that would take thousands of words and countless hours, but needless to say, this is not what the Everglades looks like at all. Not. At. All. Your version of the Everglades seems to be a nice park of sorts, not a treacherous swampland inhabited by invasive pythons. Nice try, though, but you definitely need plants that will literally cut you and more things that go bump in the night.