Thursday, December 5
Odds are you're probably not rich enough to buy anything at Art Basel Miami Beach. Hell, you might be too short on change to even get in the door, but we're not here to judge. Nevertheless, what makes Basel worth attending every year is the trove of modern and contemporary art on display. Miamians are given a remarkable chance annually to ogle the finest of fine art and maybe learn a thing or two about it from the professionals who sell it (if they don't chase you away from their booth at the sight of your fanny pack). Take advantage while you can. 3 to 8 p.m. Thursday, noon to 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday, and noon to 6 p.m. Sunday at the Miami Beach Convention Center, 1901 Convention Center Dr., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $65 to $145 via artbasel.com/miami-beach.
With its historic tapestry of graffiti-tagged walls, the rundown RC Cola Plant has become a prime location for large-scale Miami Art Week activations. What better place than for III Points to throw its latest mind-shattering rave, Bio Haqué, than this borderline defunct warehouse? The event features an impressive lineup of female electronic musicians, including synth-pop savant Grimes, former dentist and current techno heavyweight Nina Kraviz, and the genre-defying Sophie. 9 p.m. Thursday at RC Cola Plant, 550 NW 24th St., Miami; 305-573-0371. Tickets cost $30 to $70 via showclix.com.
Satellite Art Show has become known for keeping the Magic City weird and wonderful by reliably injecting Miami Art Week with the bizarre and, frankly, a sense of originality that can often be lost in large-scale art fairs. Curated by Performance Is Alive, the fair will offer an extensive performance art program from local and international artists, special exhibitions and installations from more than 25 artists and collectives, and a famously unmissable music lineup and afterparty schedule. 6 p.m. to 1 a.m. Thursday and Friday, 1 p.m. to 1 a.m. Saturday, and 1 to 6 p.m. Sunday at Satellite Art Show, 2210 NW Miami Ct., Miami; 917-683-8300. Admission costs $15 for a day pass and $20 for a week pass via eventbrite.com.
Friday, December 6
As the biblical Moses led the Israelites to the promised land, so too will Bob Moses lead the pack in Basel entertainment. The electronic duo of Tom Howie and Jimmy Vallance will host the party Innercity Odyssey for all the art-seekers tired of traipsing around fairs and ready to cut a rug. Tiga, Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, Ella Romand, and Project Pablo are just some of the DJs who'll be on hand to throw down block-rockin' beats. 2 p.m. Friday at the Delano Beach Club, 1685 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-672-2000. Tickets cost $15 to $35 via tixr.com.
For those who need a radical change of scenery from Art Basel, why not head to the Democratic Socialists of America Miami chapter's film screening of Machuca? DSA Film Fridays offers a break from contemporary art and hefty price tags in favor of an award-winning feature about friendship against the backdrop of political upheaval. Written and directed by Chilean filmmaker Andrés Wood, the film depicts the blossoming friendship of two boys in the months preceding the 1973 CIA-backed coup d'état against President Salvador Allende. 7 p.m. Friday at Space Mountain, 738 NW 62nd St., Miami; spacemountainmia.org. Suggested donation of $5.
Whatever happened to slime? Somewhere between Young Thug's Slime Season mixtapes and the sliminess of crooked politicians in D.C. (and, let's be real, Miami too), we've forgotten the original meaning of the word: going on Nickelodeon and getting coated in green goo. If you've ever wanted to get slimed like Dwayne Johnson at the Kids Choice Awards, your chance has arrived thanks to Nickelodeon Slime City, splashing into Aventura Mall this Friday. Games, photo ops, and plenty of the green stuff will be onsite, and don't worry, parents: Ponchos are provided. 10 a.m. Friday through January 20 at Aventura Mall, 19501 Biscayne Blvd., Aventura; aventuramall.com. Tickets cost $25 to $35 via nickslimecity.com.
Saturday, December 7
Miami Art Week festivities are winding down, but that doesn't mean you have to stop partying. Thankfully, Rakastella is here to provide the perfect alternative to all of the Art Basel-caused craziness. International all-star DJs and electronic music producers such as Dixon, Eclair Fifi, Ben UFO, and Marie Davidson will spin on the same bill as locals like Will Renuart and Ashley Venom. You might still have causeway-induced PTSD if you attended Ultra this year, but you'll get over it — this is a beach party as it was meant to be experienced. 3 p.m. Saturday in Virginia Key Beach Park, 4020 Virginia Beach Dr., Miami; rakastella.com. Tickets cost $40 to $200 via eventbrite.com.
There's nothing more emblematic of Miami food culture than the golden masterpiece known as the croqueta. Food blogger extraordinaire–turned–culinary events mastermind Sef Gonzalez, AKA Burger Beast, is gearing up to present the sixth-annual Croquetapalooza. Each general-admission ticket includes unlimited croquetas, desserts, craft beer, and soft drinks. If you think you have what it takes, don't forget to enter the infamous Islas Canarias Croqueta-Eating Contest. 7 p.m. Friday at Magic City Casino, 450 NW 37th Ave., Miami; burgerbeast.com. Tickets cost $50 via eventbrite.com.
Is there any location more glamorous and excessive than Miami during Art Basel? Try Tokyo in the '70s and '80s, where everyone was flush with cash and the music was like nothing else on Earth. City pop — a mix of funk, disco, soft rock, and R&B sung in Japanese and English — was all the rage, and thanks to the internet, it's having a nostalgia-induced revival. DJ Van Paugam, who made a name for himself mixing and streaming the stuff on YouTube, will be your guide at Soundlux Audio and Sweat Records' City Pop: The Sound of '70s and '80s Japan. Refreshments will be provided. 2 p.m. Saturday at Soundlux Audio, 120 NW 25th St., Miami; 305-306-7249; soundluxaudio.com. Admission is free.
Sunday, December 8
Don't you just love those YouTube channels with names like "Lo-Fi Hip-Hop Beats to Relax and Study To"? They usually have an anime girl or cartoon character in the thumbnail, and they play nothing but light, jazzy instrumental hip-hop music that — whaddya know? — is great to relax to. Cool, right? Now, what if you could go to a place where that music played outside your bedroom? That's Bento Box, the latest specialty night at Las Rosas. Wex the Master, Penthouse Suite, and Girlnextdoorproductions will play this round, and Ashiyushi will host. 9 p.m. Sunday at Las Rosas, 2898 NW Seventh Ave., Miami; 786-780-2700; lasrosasbar.com. Admission is free.
One of the longest-running holiday-themed 5K fun runs will take place at the Falls this Sunday. Jingle Bell Run invites people of all ages to dress up in fun and festive costumes to raise funds to cure arthritis. Whether you don a full Santa outfit or simply bells on your sneakers, spread the holiday spirit while running for a good cause. 6:30 a.m. Sunday in the parking lot outside Talbots at the Falls, 8888 SW 136rd St., Miami; events.arthritis.org. Registration costs $20 to $40 via runsignup.com.
Monday, December 9
The unlikely friendship of John Mulaney and Pete Davidson has evolved into a comedic duo. Capturing viewers' attention during their Saturday Night Live "Weekend Update" segments, the two have parlayed their creative chemistry into a certified double act, prompting them to perform together on a collection of tour dates across the nation. Mulaney and Davidson's latest stop will see them at the Seminole Hard Rock. With an appropriate amount of acknowledgment regarding their "image" differences, the SNL comedians have performed to rave reviews thus far, perhaps proving the old adage that opposites attract. 8 p.m. Monday at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, 1 Seminole Way, Hollywood; seminolehardrockhollywood.com. Tickets cost $40 to $205 via ticketmaster.com.
Tuesday, December 10
Looking for an oasis of holiday joy in Miami's tropical urban landscape? Retreat to Gramps' yearly Miracle Pop-Up Bar, located in the backroom, Shirley's. There, enjoy seasonal and delectable drinks in a festive setting reminiscent of a North Pole wonderland. The kitschy holiday theme extends to the playlist, so if you don't consider it Christmas until you hear Mariah Carey sing, this spot is for you. 5 p.m. to 3 p.m. through December 31 at Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami; gramps.com. Admission is free; visit miraclepopup.com for more info.
Wednesday, December 11
Bring your date, your family, or your friends, but don't forget a blanket while enjoying this open-air film-watching experience. Delight in the holiday classic How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the live-action adaptation of Dr. Seuss' story of the green villain who became the hero of Whoville. It's a perfect opportunity to remind yourself of "the true meaning of Christmas" — just bring some coquito to make it a Miami one. 8 p.m. Wednesday in SoundScape Park, 400 17th St., Miami Beach; mbartsandculture.org. Admission is free.
Here are a few things you should know about Ski Mask the Slump God if you didn't already: (1) He's from here (well, Broward). (2) He used to pal around with XXXTentacion (which might be good or bad, but we thought you should know in any case). (3) He's the fastest rapper in the game, and he's set to put on a South Florida homecoming show to prove it once and for all. Fellow Floridians Pouya, DJ Scheme, and Danny Towers will open. 8 p.m. Wednesday at the Fillmore Miami Beach, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-673-7300; fillmoremb.com. Tickets cost $40.50 to $55 via livenation.com.