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A Very Thrifty Miami Christmas: Out of the Closet's Fabulous, Funny Gifts

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​There's nothing subtle about the name Out of the Closet. It's a thrift store! Of course you'll find things that belong in a closet there. Duh.

Out of the Closet stores seem to have popped up on every one of South Florida's corners these days. The California chain isn't just a place to buy old shoes. Income generated at the thrift store helps fund medical services provided by AIDS Healthcare Foundation. Maybe the absolute most functional thing about Out of the Closet is that it doubles as a pharmacy, so you can buy laxatives, Riccola, and get a free HIV test at most locations.

It's the season of giving, and as a child of the '80s, we remember the AIDS crisis. So, we marched over to the store on Biscayne to see what we could buy ourselves. Oh, yeah, and to pick up a few surprises buried in the closet for our family and friends.

Nestled amongst the Julio Iglesias and Perry Como, we spotted this holiday gem. Dude, who doesn't want Great Songs of Christmas by Great Artists of Our Time in vinyl? It's got Babs, it's got Bing. Johnny Mathis and Mahalia Jackson even belt out tunes on this baby. It's just the thing for the young man who is nerdily riddled with nostalgia for a time he never knew or for that elder-lover in your life.

The Christmas albums were seasonally appropriate, but Taylor Dayne, she works all year round. You can't buy this "Tell It to My Heart" at Out of the Closet though, because it's rotating on our turntable right now. Jealous? This would have been a great present for your friend who threatens to be Taylor Dayne every Halloween (uhm) but doesn't because no one younger than 30 remembers her.

Uh, hullo, Sex and the City VHS set. Yes please. Everyone's moving on to Blu-Ray, but VHS works just fine, thank you. The complete third season is fitting for any woman or gay in your life who once mused that they were a little like Carrie, or maybe Samantha, or maybe Charlotte. And regarding the VHS: The unemployment rate is 8.6%. They'll understand.

It might sound crazy, but it's hard to find a decent set of colorful balls around this town. A recent trip to Target and Marshall's revealed nothing quite as fantastic as these great big, round, shinny babies. They've appropriately got a rainbow assortment of colored spheres over at Out of the Closet. These are the perfect gift for your tree.

Gleeks rejoice! Out of the Closet has got your sad, untouched back, yo. With this giant red tee, you can join the club -- the club filled with nerds, weird old queens, and our mom. This is the gift for your musical theater major cousin who's not concerned with sex appeal.

Wait a sec. Seriously? The Ho Depot! Bro, what a find. WHAT a find. Run over there now and purchase this bad boy. Pretty much any and all of your Miami people will appreciate.

We don't want you to think that Out of the Closet only sells oversized T-shirts. It's also got a slew of adorable clothing items and about six red vinyl mini-dresses, for some reason. This skirt is adorbs. Embroidered specifically for the South Florida maven in your crew who has a hankering for vintage perfection.

This Yes I Am Melissa Etheridge album used to give us the barfies, but then one day in college, it was like our hearts opened and we thought, yes you are... great. Ms. Etheridge will not actually come to your window, but you can have her music playing out of yours for only $2. A steal for your mature lesbian ex.

You know what's funny these days? Cats. You know what people are watching on the internet? Cats doing cute things. These cats aren't doing shit, but they're so super in right now. Go cats! Send this to your meme loving pal who sends you cats vids of all sorts all day long.

We start with Christmas, we end with Christmas. These two darling angels are sitting on our kitchen table right now. There were other fabulous little unique items to snag for next to nothing with which you can cheaply decorate your place for the holidays. Out of Closet made us spend more money on this post than we'll make writing it, but it was worth it.

Happy holidays!

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