It's Not Funny. No, really!
We at Miami New Times missed the Foley boat. Like an itinerant hurricane, the electronic misadventures of Mark "Fingers" Foley blew north through Broward and Palm Beach Counties, leaving us out of the path of what ABC news has taken to calling "The Perfect Blogstorm."
But you know what America? We've got to put our two cents in. Because if you were molested when you were a drunk little boy, then you would grow up to molest little boys when you got drunk too. That's a scientific fact. It all makes sense —you're just not thinking about it clearly.
There is nothing funny about a puritanical windbag being forced to resign after it was revealed that he was having electronic sex chats with kids on his congressional computer.
There was nothing funny about J. Edgar Hoover and his naughty love of women's clothing, either.
And there's just nothing funny about these.
Nor is it funny that Foley opened a family style restaurant called "the Lettuce Patch" with his mother when he was twenty years old. Or that he dated a dermatologist named Layne.
Representative Foley is going to be fine. He's in good hands. They're going to clean him up and get him a brand new tie. Fingers is gonna come back straighter and more conservative than ever. And when he does, we can all look back on this and have a good laugh... together.-Calvin Godfrey
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.
- Poll: Florida's Senate Race Is Still a Wide-Open Mess
Sat., Aug. 1, 5:35pm
Sun., Aug. 2, 1:05pm
Tue., Aug. 4, 6:35pm
Wed., Aug. 5, 6:35pm
- 80-Yeard-Old Miami Man Stabs Wife to Death, Drives to Publix to Report It
- Heat Trades Napier and Shops Birdman and Chalmers, While Mike Miller Wants to Return