Drunk, Naked Man Arrested for Speeding on Alligator Alley With Three Women in His Car

Drunk, Naked Man Arrested for Speeding on Alligator Alley With Three Women in His Car (4)
Illustration by Alvaro Diaz-Rubio

A lot of weird things happen in Florida every week, and on Fridays we're here to bring you the oddest. This week: the least boring drive in the history of Alligator Alley, a robber who had a deadly, uh, alligator fail-y, and Cuban-style coffee finally takes over the rest of Florida. 

Drunk, Naked Man Arrested for Speeding on Alligator Alley With Three Women in His Car

Drunk Man Clocked in At 110 mph on I-75 While Driving Nude
Alligator Alley is Florida's most boring road. It's 75 miles of asphalt cutting through the Everglades, and not even the particularly scenic parts of the Everglades. Well, last weekend 33-year-old Noe DeJesus found a way to liven up the drive. Naturally, he wound up in jail for it. This is the WTF Florida column, after all. 

At around 3 p.m. last Saturday, the Florida Highway Patrol was alerted to several calls reporting a Cadillac driving erratically heading westbound on the road. An FHP trooper spotted the car and clocked it going 109 mph. The trooper stopped the car and immediately noticed that DeJesus was shirtless and had an open 12-pack of Corona wedged in between the front two seats. DeJesus, a resident of Lehigh Acres, was ordered to get out of the car, and it was then that the trooper noticed he was completely naked. He smelled of alcohol, had bloodshot eyes, and had slurry speech. When he tried to put his pants back on he nearly fell. 

Inside the car the trooper found three women and an empty bottle of Crown Royal. 

Naturally, he failed his field sobriety test and was arrested on a DUI charge, and a charge of driving without a license to boot. 

Drunk, Naked Man Arrested for Speeding on Alligator Alley With Three Women in His Car (2)

Accused Burglar on Run From Cops Eaten by Alligator 
Deputies believe that 22-year-old Matthew Riggins was one of two men suspected of breaking into homes in a ritzy area of Brevard County last month. On that night, deputies combed the area with K9 units but couldn't find anyone. 

Well, it turns out that Riggins had gone to hide in a nearby lake. He allegedly had told his girlfriend earlier in the evening that he was going on a burglary spree and called her again that night to tell he was being chased by police. However, Riggins never returned home, and his family reported him missing on November 13.

Well, his body was found 11 days later floating in a pond. Investigators found wounds consistent with an alligator attack. 

"He probably went into the lake to hide from the officers and the dog, and came across that gator,"  Maj. Tod Goodyear told BayNews9. "To hide somewhere to try and get away, and then meeting up with an animal like that, no, I've never had that happen before."

Authorities located the alligator, and conclusively proved that it had attacked Riggins. The animal was euthanized. 

Coffee Washes Up on Florida Beaches
Floridians are used to stimulants washing up on our beaches. Except, it's usually cocaine. 

Well, things turned weird this week when hundreds of cans of Café Bustelo popped up on a beach in Indialantic, Florida. There were even some bricks of Pilon as well.  

Authorities say that the coffee probably fell of a barge. A shipping container was apparently lost somewhere between Cape Canaveral and Palm Beach last weekend.

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