Jon Hamm to Voice Talking Toilet, Continues Futile Campaign to Convince Us He's Not Sexy

Today in "cartoons for grown-ups" news, Vulture reports Mad Men actor Jon Hamm has signed on to play a talking toilet in an upcoming episode of Bob's Burgers.

(Aside: Are you watching Bob's Burgers? Not enough people are watching Bob's Burgers. You should all be watching Bob's Burgers.)

Hamm's known for making Don Draper the panty-wetting household name it is today, and of course has himself become a modern-day sex symbol. But lately it seems like he's choosing his acting roles -- playing stupid men, douchey men, abusive men, and now, a damn commode -- solely to confuse the sex drives of women across America.

Let's take a tour of Hamm's least sexy roles, shall we? Your mind says no, but your ladyparts say yes.


Dr. Drew Baird / Abner on 30 Rock

In season three, Hamm played Dr. Baird, a pediatrician so sexy he could do no wrong, much like Hamm himself. Proof: Hamm came as close to blackface as you can get on network TV in the clip above, and he's just so pretty that no one in the country gave it a second thought.

Upcoming Events

Ted in Bridesmaids
In last year's lady raunchfest, Hamm plays the textbook definition of a douchey boyfriend. His character is terrible at sex, and acts like an asshole before, during, and after. Does all of America still want to sleep with him? Absolutely.

 

Ben in Friends With Kids
Kristin Wiig loved playing partner to Hamm's douchey side so much she did it twice. In Friends With Kids, his character Ben drinks too much, refuses to help his wife around the house, and fights with his friends so much that they pretty much ostracize him from the group. But when he shows up later, all stubbly and gravelly voiced, and audiences nationwide forgive him (and demand more shirtless scenes).

High Roller / Doctor in Sucker Punch
"Here's a good idea," Hamm thought to himself. "I'll get myself a role in the most gratuitious, exploitative girlie film ever to be created." And then he did, and it involved literally lebotomizing women for profit. The next year, Glamour UK named him one of the sexiest men alive -- number 69, in fact. Resistance is futile.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.


Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >