Tropical Storm Erika is about ready to open a can of whoop-ass on the islands today, and forecast models predict that the storm will intensify, possibly reaching hurricane status with 75 mph sustained winds as it approaches Miami sometime between Sunday night and Monday morning. Word on the weather streets is Erika could drop three-to-eight inches of rain on our candy asses during her visit — that's going to suck.
It's been awhile since we have had a storm of this strength in the area, so you know the drill — party time! Just kidding, get batteries and water and, uh, canned green beans, er, whatever; but then it's time to start planning for your surprise hurricane party guests.
Once you've taken care of the business part, it's time to ensure you're not sitting around for two days while your dog stares at you reading a book. Invite some friend. Be prepared. Stay entertained. Here are a few things you can pick up to make sure you're having a good time while Erika has her way with us.
5. Judge-Free Zone: Get those things
Listen, let's not beat around the bush here; you're going to do this anyway, so let's just get it out of the way. Go buy your Fireball and call Chad (I'm assuming your marijuana dealer's name is Chad). If you're going to be sitting in the dark, you might as well have a good time.
Now that we have covered the most obvious of Hurricane party supplies, let's not forget there is a slim chance you could be stuck in an emergency situation, so don't be a hero. Remember, there are no winners in a shot competition.
4. Order pizza, lots of pizza.
The best part about pizza is there is a good 24-hour window where it's like a fine wine, getting better with age. Pro tip: If the Miami Marlins score more than five runs you get 50% off Papa Johns with the promo code "Marlins5". The Marlins just so happen to play every day until the storm hits, so if they score more than five runs — stock up on cheap pizza. If you checked the box above on this list — let's be honest — you're going to need pizza.
An underrated fact about pizza is it also comes served in its own Tupperware-umbrella-floatation-blunt-rolling-device, making it the perfect hurricane party food.
3. Casino night supplies
Nothing keeps the party going like some good old fashioned gambling and drinking games.
Once the power goes out you're basically stuck back in the 1920s, so you might as well party like they did. If you've ever seen Boardwalk Empire, that's how it's going down. Hell, even make it a costume party if you and your friends get down like that. A few decks of cards and a cheap set of chips is all you need to get some hot action going while all hell breaks loose outside. Cards double as means for multiple drinking games, of course, so there are plenty of reasons to keep around a few decks.
2. Make sure your external phone battery banks full
If you don't have one of these, go out and buy one. If you have one, go out and buy two more — you won't regret it when the power goes out. We all live on our smartphones now, so you do not want to be stuck with the dreaded red-battery-life when the power goes down. Knowing that you have a good five full battery charges lying around will ensure you can still access apps like Spotify, Netflix, You-Tube, and multiple other crucial boredom-prevention apps.
Speaking of Spotify: Scorpion's "Rock You Like a Hurricane," Johnny Cash's "Blowin’ in the Wind," Blackalious' "Sky is Falling," Bruce Springsteen's "Lost in the Flood," and Bob Dylan's "Hurricane" should be on the hurricane party playlist you're creating right now.
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Not only is this a good idea for those looking to keep a party going but it's also great because you probably don't know anyone's phone number. Tell me your sister's phone number. You can't, because it's in your phone, the phone that is dead right now.
1. Board game night! You don't seem excited!
Remember board games? For those of you under 30, these are sort of like Candy Crush and Clash of Clans, but they happen in real life, on the ground or table. I'm not talking Candyland here, you can get weird. Playing drunk Twister in the dark will definitely be more memorable than watching Heroes on Netflix.
If you're like me and you don't have any board games — because you don't have any grandchildren — then you can run out to the nearest thrift store over the next few days and pick up three or four for less than ten bucks total.