| Columns |

Urban Forager Burger King Challenge, Part Three: Load Up on Fries, Cover Yourself in Green Ketchup

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

OK urban warriors, Burger King wants to celebrate St. Patrick's Day with you. How? By again giving away more of their thicker-cut french fries, but this time with a side of green ketchup.

Don't ponder over how awesome green ketchup makes you feel on the inside. On St. Patrick's Day weekend, the urban forager briefly transforms into a midget Irishman sporting a red beard and a green top hat, and like any good Leprechaun worth his cabbage, he absolutely must have that pot of gold.

For all day March 17 and 18, Burger King is giving away a free "pot", or order, of value fries and the side of green ketchup, so naturally you're up for the challenge of scoring as many of these freebies as you can.

Feeling lucky? You should be, because it's not often that a king gives away his gold. Let's see how many you can score this weekend, along with sides of green ketchup. Being the fine dining caliber they are, the folks at Short Order do not condone eating anything that's green unless it's a vegetable, but do not throw away that green slime no matter what.

Instead, this is what you should do:

Because The King has graciously bestowed up on us a free "pot" of gold from his very own stash, this regal gesture ought to be honored with a personal blessing by you to him at the corporate headquarters at the corner of Red Road and 5505 Blue Lagoon Drive.

Inside the palace there is museum on public display wherein lies a timeline of the burger chain's history and their crowning achievements (pun intended) and memorabilia, including a life-size statue of The King.

Because you have acquired so many orders of fries and green ketchup and because you are so grateful to your king, you will go to the museum to pay homage by stripping naked, covering yourself in green ketchup, kneeling before him, head bowed and covered in green, state your oath of allegiance:

"By the order of the flame-broiled, I swear allegiance to the King, and to the Whopper. I swear that I will faithfully perform the duties my stomach lays upon me. Never shall I waiver in my quest to defend your honor at all costs, lest my soul be trapped forever in the foul, rotting pits beyond the Golden Arches."

While it may seem unorthodox for a Leprechaun to kneel before a king, at least you're not kissing the hand of the Pope. Remember that wit is on your side since you have the ability to grant wishes.

The King doesn't like visitors on the weekend, so you will have to wait until next Monday before you grovel at his feet. Don't mind the security guard, surely he will not try to detain you. The museum is a small room, perfect for ensuring privacy between you and your highness. In the meantime, start planning your quest. You better not fail to please The King this time or else there is the guillotine.

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.