4

Top 10 Old School Fast Food Toys and Collectibles

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

You could say fat runs in my family. Like, genetically. That's my great grandpa to the right. They called him Chins Mulliggan.

He was an Irish gangster. A hard drinking killer that carried tripe in his overcoat pockets, and taught my father to do the same.

So I don't entirely blame the fast food industry for suckering me into a lifelong obsession with fried foods via the toys they used to market their food to me as a kid.

Fact is I probably would've weighed 320 regardless. Plus, I still collect the toys.

Here are some of my favorite retro fast food toys:

10. Burger King, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Late '80s, early '90s: I used to have the whole collection until my older brother made a bong out of Leonardo. Don't ask where he put the bowl.

9. Long John Silver's, Free Willy 2 - Early 90's: Gotta love the irony of a fish house with a sad whale for a toy.

8. McDonald's, Hamburglar hand puppet - '80s: Me and this guy had some good times. He was my partner in crime. We used to jack fools for cheeseburgers together.

7. Hardee's, California Raisins - 1988: Did anybody else have the Meet The Raisins album on tape? Man those wrinkly fuckers could sure carry a tune. I miss them.

6. Dairy Queen, Double Dip Ice Cream Cone Fishing Lure & Whistle - '98 and '91: If you've ever gotten high and mistaken a piece of plastic for actual food then you know as well as I do that plastic shards will cut you to hell. Do not swallow.

5. McDonald's, Ronald McDonald watch - 1984: Back in the day if you had one of these you could tell people your name was Don Ron McDon, stone cold pimp.

4. McDonald's, Fast Food Doll House: I told my parents not to let my sister get this. She's been working at McDonald's since she was 6 years old.

3. Burger King, Cookin' With Alf - 1988: Me and this illegal alien ate so many damn burgers together we got caught at least ten times by the I.N.S., the imminent nasty shits.

2. McDonald's, Transforming Food Toys - '80s and '90s: These were always awesome, and the old metal ones really hurt when someone threw em' at your head.

1. Burger King, Classic Movie Glasses - '80s: Without question these are the coolest limited edition product ever put out by a fast food company. They are functional collectibles. I drink out of mine everyday. Juice, whiskey, juice mixed with whiskey....nothin' beats ET and Star Wars.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.