Friday Food Funnies: One Liners, Jokes, and Food Quotes

Friday Food Funnies: One Liners, Jokes, and Food Quotes

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world. -- Robert Orben

Practice safe eating -- always use condiments. -- Lynda Montgomery

Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going, "I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds. I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing." -- Denis Leary.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds. -- Joan Rivers

Last time I went to the movies, I was thrown out for bringing my own food.  My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven't had a barbecue in a long time. -- Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. -- Steven Wright

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air. -- Steven Wright

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row." -- Steven Wright

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra-medium." -- Steven Wright

A friend got some vinegar in his ear; now he suffers from pickled hearing. -- anonymous

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >