So Mother's Day has come and gone and you probably treated Mom to a champagne brunch and maybe a spa package.
Dad, however, usually gets the short end of the stick on Father's Day. Let's face it, you probably give him some godawful tie and then high-tail it to the mall with your friends.
Not so fast this year, buckaroo! The old man deserves to be treated to a nice meal on Sunday. After all, he is the one who provided all those XY chromosomes.
By the way, we're not talking about mimosas and complimentary carnation corsages (though if Dad is into that, go for it). We're talking about brunches featuring bourbon cocktails, lamb burgers, cigars, and pig roasts. Got your attention now? Good!
Here's our list of places to take good old Dad for Father's Day, listed by the kind of pops you happen to have. And no ties this year, OK? No one wears those corporate nooses in Miami anyway.
For the Early-Bird Dad - Spartico
If your dad is the kind of man who rises and shines for a five-mile run before the sun comes up while you prefer to live more like a vampire (we're secretly with you -- that Miami sun is hot!), wake up before noon once in your life and take him to Spartico for a Father's Day continental breakfast buffet. From 7:30 to 11:30 a.m., Dad can choose from fresh fruit, berries, yogurt, and fresh pastries; you can drink lots of coffee. It's $18.95 per person. If you can persuade pops to sleep in a bit, Spartico has a special Father's Day pizza brunch from 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. For $22.95 each, you can bond over unlimited pizza and salad. The pizza flavors are the chef's choice, but expect Margherita, pepperoni, and sausage among the varieties.
For the Beach Bum Dad - Dune Oceanfront Burger Lounge
Dad works hard every day and on his day off he just wants to dig his toes in the sand. You, on the other hand, want to treat him to a decadent meal on Father's Day. Here's a compromise - take the old man for a burger and beer at Dune Oceanfront Burger Lounge at the Ritz-Carlton Key Biscayne. Just about every protein imaginable is available on a burger - lamb ($23), turkey ($22), Kobe beef sliders with foie gras ($28), and classic beef ($18). If dad has followed Bill Clinton to the dark side (vegetarianism), there's even a veggie burger ($19). Wash the burger down with a few cold ones while digging your toes in the sand. That's a win/win situation.
For the Classic Dad - Edge Steak & Bar
Dad always looks great in his perfectly worn jeans and Lacoste polo. You'd never see him in a flashy red Ferrari or giant Rolex. That's why he'll appreciate the understated-yet-elegant Father's Day lunch at Edge Steak House. Treat him to the Dad Burger a fire grilled 8-oz. Creekstone Farms burger with double smoked bacon, maple glazed ham, aged American cheddar, a fried egg, bread and butter Pickles -- all on a sesame seed bun. Served with house cut fries, a glass of Cigar City beer, and a cigar for dad to enjoy. The $25 also includes a take-home Dad Bag, filled with hot sauce, spice rub, a cigar cutter, and a return visit voucher).
For When It's Payback Time - The Dutch
Want to really show dad you've made it in life? Take him to The Dutch for a little surf, turf, and some damn fine whiskies. Start with a Collins Platter ($125), an array of sea creatures for your dining pleasure. An assortment of the freshest oysters, little necks, octopus, and shrimp are plucked from the sea to your table. We suggest sharing the 40-oz. rib eye for two ($110) for some additional bonding. Wash everything down with a few barrel-aged cocktails and present dad with a card filled with enough cash to cover all the times he loaned you rent money when you were trying to make it as a musician before deciding law school wasn't such a bad idea, after all.
For the Sweet Dad - Icebox Cafe
OK, so dad's the kind that cries at Disney movies. You obviously share the same DNA because we saw you getting all weepy at Toy Story 3. Take dad to Icebox Cafe where he can choose from a special Father's Day brunch menu which includes orange ricotta pancakes ($13), grilled rib eye hash and eggs ($15), or an Icebox soo wee burger ($15). Then it's time for cake! We suggest the Devil Dog cake ($6) or the cranberry lemon ($6), but it's dad's day so let him get whatever he wants.
For the Dad Who Wants More, More, More - Tudor House and the Federal
If your dad's in the one percent...if he has a framed portrait of Gordon Gecko on his desk...if he's a (gasp) Republican...then the Tudor House pig roast is the place to be on Father's Day.
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From 12:30 to 1:30 p.m., The Federal's Anice Meinhold will be shaking up bourbon cocktails and pouring PBR's while Cesar Zapata will be passing around Buffalo style pork belly, Jar O' Duck, and smoked beef tongue with peaches.
Then the fun really starts with a 1:30 p.m. "pigveiling". A 60 pound Palmetto Farm pig has given his life for your dad's delight. Also on the menu is grilled yellowtail snapper stuffed with Meyer lemons and young garlic, pressed watermelon salad, pickled veggies, Alsatian potato salad, and assorted desserts. Tudor House portion is $65 per person, plus tax and gratuities.
Wait...there's more! The party moves over to The Federal, starting at 5:30 p.m., where dinner includes a pop-up whiskey bar, pitchers of punch, Texas beef brisket, St. Louis style pork ribs, cigars, and (possibly) some strippers. The Federal's dinner (with cigars, booze, and single-moms-just-trying-to-make-a-living) is $55 per person, plus tax and tip. Reservations are suggested for both restaurants.