We've found the perfect present: Edible Anus!
It's exactly what you think it is. Fine Belgian chocolate in the shape of a butthole. Or, as the company's website puts it ever so seductively: "rings of succulent chocolate cast and crafted from the posterior of our stunning butt model."
Hey, they don't call it "chocolate starfish" for nothing.
The edible anus got its start in 2006, when London artist Magnus Irvin exhibited a show of multicolored chocolate bung-holes. According to the website, the artist initially tried "self-portraits," but casting his own anus in chocolate proved to be "messy and disastrous" (are you imagining what we're thinking? Sorry to ruin the hot cocoa you were enjoying until right about now).
So Irvin then recruited a professional from the usual place where one might procure the services of a butt model -- a bus stop.
Once a sufficient model was found, the successful casting was done in just over half an hour (not including bus commute time). All subsequent anuses have been based on this first casting. Unfortunately, the website states that "the person who kindly donated her service has no idea that her anus has now gone global." We're assuming the model signed a standard anus-release form.
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Chocolate anuses are attractively gift-boxed and available in three flavors: meek milk, dilated dark, and tight white Belgian chocolate. Five boxes sell for $38.95; ten boxes cost $72.95.
If you're wondering who on earth would enjoy receiving a chocolate anus as a gift, the Edible Anus company suggests this is the perfect present for "Mother's Day, a family wedding, or simply an amuse-bouche for that timid, confirmed bachelor next door." And in case you want to send a special message with your chocolate butt, there's an entire line of Poo Cards. No better way to say, "Have a shitty day!"