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Sen. Marco Rubio arriving at the U.S. Capitol as the Senate impeachment trial of U.S. President Donald Trump continues on January 31.
Sen. Marco Rubio arriving at the U.S. Capitol as the Senate impeachment trial of U.S. President Donald Trump continues on January 31.
Photo by Mario Tama / Getty

Marco Rubio Takes Brave Stance Against Doing Anything About Trump's Impeachment

Look, the specifics of the Trump-Biden-Ukraine debacle are basically inscrutable to even the most hardened of D.C. politicos. The typical voter basically cannot follow what Marie Yovanovitch, Lev Parnas, Vlad Glofiscieu, Inspector Belj Targanon, Igor Fruman, Zbiz Zglizbiki, and Burisma Holdings Ltd. were all doing. We made up half of those names, and you likely didn't notice.

Despite that fact, Donald Trump (A) almost definitely tried to use his power as president to bribe a foreign country to dig up dirt on his political rival so he could win reelection and (B) is just sort of generally Donald Trump. Yet doormat and U.S. senator from Florida Marco Rubio today officially announced that, though he may be very troubled about some things he heard during impeachment proceedings this month, he will bravely and powerfully do absolutely nothing about any of it.

It's pretty much a fool's errand to bother dissecting Rubio's words too much given he's a staunch Trump ally nowadays and is likely angling to become a member of his cabinet in the near future after the POTUS inevitably fires Secretary of State Mike Pompeo or rams his golf cart into Acting Defense Secretary Mark Esper. But Rubio's statement is still a magical and inscrutable piece of work designed to trick hardened Beltway types into thinking he's a Principled Leader and Hard Thinker and not simply a body man for a president whose brain is shorting out and melting every day on national television.

In short, Rubio says that even although Trump might have done some very worrisome things, the senator does not believe the president's actions warrant his removal from office. Rubio claims instead that the president can, if necessary, be reined in by Congress — AKA the very same people who are punting on punishing Trump for election meddling.

Honestly, Rubio's statement today is more annoying and nauseating than that of fellow senator Rick Scott, who basically admitted he's voting along party lines and there's nothing anyone can do to stop him. This week, he published a deeply unsettling and reptilian campaign ad in which he complained he's being "held hostage" by this process. At least Scott is being honest.

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